Even if you haven't yet sold your first born child for the opportunity to see genius Lin-Manuel Miranda's Hamilton, you're probably pretty familiar with some of Alexander Hamilton's personal history — or at least more interested in it than you were in high school (hey teachers, it's all about making the material accessible). 

To spice up the facts about the "bastard orphan son of a whore and a Scotsman," Miranda hit the bottle pretty hard for an epic installment of Drunk History.

The clear highlight of Hamilton's story was his epic sex scandal. 

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youtube / comedy central

Starring Arrested Development veterans Alia Shawkat as Alexander Hamilton and Tony Hale as James Monroe, this particularly slurred version of history doesn't disappoint. 

Of course, the alcohol makes Miranda's account particularly eloquent:

There's a lot of "f*cking."

You can watch the whole rendition of Hamilton's sex scandal below: 

Sure, it's not quite as good as actually seeing Hamilton on Broadway, but this is as close as you can get — until that Mike Pence-inspired boycott pays off and you can buy tickets off some insulted republicans.