I don't know why I get a kick out of corrupting childhood stories with bawdy and lewd humor, but I just do. Show me a drawing of the Ninja Turtles smoking weed, or give me a hacked version of River City Ransom for the NES with a bunch of the weapons replaced with dildos and I'll die laughing.
And when it comes to iconic children's characters, none are as innocent or ingrained in our minds than Christmas ones, especially Santa's cute and cuddly Reindeer.
Thankfully, there are a bunch of people on Twitter who think just like I do and started the #ReinderPickupLines hashtag. Because when you think about it, even Rudolph needs to get laid.
Wanna go into town and blow a few bucks? #ReindeerPickUpLines— Christina Bo Beena (@LaNaranjaMala) December 20, 2016
"Well, if you ever saw it, you might even say it glows."— Dreamweasel (@Dreamweasel) December 20, 2016
You know Dasher, and Dancer, but tonight I'd like to make you my Vixen #ReindeerPickUpLines— Kat Lapelosa? (@Its_Katka) December 20, 2016
"You'd be amazed what I can do under a Buck." #ReindeerPickUpLines— CK (@charley_ck14) December 20, 2016
Nice rack #ReindeerPickUpLines— Oh Christmas T (@tlcprincess) December 20, 2016
#ReindeerPickUpLines I just got a Dear John Deer letter from my ex....— Trump-Empty Suitcase (@dtEmptySuitcase) December 20, 2016
These antlers aren't the only things that are horny #ReindeerPickUpLines— Ryan Gray (@ryanparkergray) December 20, 2016
#ReindeerPickUpLines You know what they say about Large Antlers...— Cheri Smith (@LadyCheri1) December 20, 2016
Do you like eatin' venison? #reindeerpickuplines— DirtyFacedKid (@Dirty_Faced_Kid) December 20, 2016
"Baby! I will totally sleigh you." #ReindeerPickUpLines— luminous (@slicklunatic) December 20, 2016
Mind if I park my sleigh on your roof?#ReindeerPickUpLines— Darth Bader (@MitchellBader) December 20, 2016
No, girl, the song got it wrong. It should be: " some would even say it GROWS!" #ReindeerPickUpLines— Oh Shannonbaum (@kcjhawk81) December 20, 2016
#ReindeerPickUpLines -- Want to come home with me and see my leather harness collection?— Kevin (@kevinwxgg) December 20, 2016
#ReindeerPickUpLines— lisa a (@triqu3tra) December 20, 2016
Wanna guide my sleigh...
#ReindeerPickUpLines— Bryan Hinojosa (@NanoNarrative) December 20, 2016
Hey, baby, it's not just my nose which is red and bulbous and throbbing.
You should see the other reindeer games we play #ReindeerPickUpLines— Mia Marie Macy (@Miamariemacy) December 20, 2016
#ReindeerPickUpLines - Are you a shower or a glower?— kfyra (@Kfyra) December 20, 2016