My wife and I have an epic struggle ahead of us every time we try to put our toddler to bed in his own room. When he eventually goes to sleep, we have some time to watch a show that isn't Word Party or share a cup of tea and do adult things like sift through coupons and balance checkbooks and talk about the people we hate.
Our son inevitably, in the wee hours of the morning, makes his way to our bed after he wakes up to cuddle for some extra sleep time. Usually he does so without waking me up, but the few mornings he does, I get to hear him talk in his sleep and even with his limited vocabulary, the results are pretty hilarious.
He'll ask for pizza and cereal, or recite some of the alphabet with his eyes closed. Once, he pleaded, "no socks!" as if he was having a nightmare about someone trying to keep his feet from getting cold.
Now almost everything kids do is entertaining just because of how adorable they are and their boundless enthusiasm for life, but adults say equally hilarious, and just as weird, if not weirder things in their sleep.
Like Imgur user hellosodas showed when she posted some gems uttered from her husband's lips while he was asleep.
"Do you know where the TV remote is? No? I'll just ask the duck."— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) September 1, 2016
"Butterfly you made a mistake walking in front of me."— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) November 11, 2016
Him: "Yeah probably. It'll be better after I make it."— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) August 20, 2016
Me: "Make what?"
Him: "Don't be stupid."
"Oprah? Shit. Donald Trump? Shit. Michelle Obama? Shiiiiiiiiit."— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) March 5, 2017
"I put them on the plate. THEYRE NOT TAKING MY PENNIES."— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) December 22, 2016
Oh god. OH GOD. We've gotta get the chainsaw first.— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) October 22, 2015
"I request a warrant for some alone time... With the pillow..."— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) October 17, 2016
Him: "...and then it's something similar."— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) January 25, 2017
Me: "to what?"
Him: "Rabbits. Listen to me."
"I don't know what the hell to tell you, cat, but you're not doing that."— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) November 19, 2016
Him: "Gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross GROSS!!"— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) September 14, 2016
Him: "I don't want to have sex covered in mayo!!"
Him: "Should be interesting."— Sir Lord Dick Pat (@Sleep_Sayings) April 26, 2016
Me: "What should be?"
Him: "Texas in the Third World War."
It's worth getting married just to hear stuff like this.