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19 Absurd Headlines That Should Not Have Happened This Week

11 months ago

He takes lawn care very seriously.

Strangely enough, he's not appalled by the own stuff he says.

Guess they're more about goatees.

The first rule of being a drug dealer is not calling the cops on yourself.

"Eye (cracks knuckles) it looks like you didn't separate the glass from plastics..."

If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all...or a nurse will kill you.

This quote should be on the DVD box set.

So he's basically my friend's grandmother.

If he decides to become a supervillain, The Bug Bomber is a pretty good name.

"Hey not only do we pay you so little that we give you Food Stamps information in your employment packet, but could you deliver this for us while you're off the clock? Thanks."

They better come up with a payment structure for this test program fast.

"But...peace was all I wanted!"

That's one way to combat child pornography...

"Seriously bro, stop reading it. Like, you haven't even started Harry Potter yet and I've been asking you to read it for years."

Wasp's nest from a bird box - being eaten by moths! #wasps #waspsnest #moths #birdbox

A post shared by The Hall of Einar (@thehallofeinar) on

If you need someone to tell you this...

What the hell were they cooking that pizza with?

Cool, while we're at it, God will take care of your job, so you probably don't need employment in Congress anymore. Give someone else the chance to make some money.

A post shared by @davesdoodles1 on

One for every occasion, I suppose.

"Yeah like, you need to be cool to know what it means, it was an inside joke...that he posted to the President of the United States."