If there's one thing that humans have proven in the annals of dating history is that we have a long and storied career of messing it up.
Chalk it up to being nervous, getting too comfortable, terrible first impressions, being too open, being too secretive, or trying to just be someone you're not - there's a slew of reasons for romantic relationships not going the distance.
And although matters of the heart are extremely trying for the parties involved, that doesn't mean other people can't find them humorous. Something that the Instagram account, Reasons We're Not Dating, highlights.
I still can’t believe this actually happened 🙈 I can still feel the cringe as I watched his feet move to the rhythm of Britney. This was Gerald. Gerald was... intense. Gerald was already on thin ice when we went to the Cinema. Then he saw the dance mat. Sorry Gerald this isn't a good match. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ #stopdoingthehighkicks #yourenotjohntravolta #datingfails #dating #reasonswerenotdating #nameshavebeenchanged #fbf #repost #odeon #datenight #movienight #firstdatefail
The posts sometimes come with mini stories that provide a bit more context as to why a particular relationship ended.
Or relationships that never began in the first place.
This is the classic what could have been scenario. It’s the buff train guy who you fantasised climbing like a tree. It’s the hot car guy who you eye sexed with at the red light. It’s the guy in bar who you flirted with for half an hour before you left to go to a club. C’mon everyone what are some of your missed connections? #missedconnections #whatcouldhavebeen #comeoncupid #sendalittlelovemyway #myheartwillgoon
Some of them are a bit more disturbing than others.
While others were just classic tales of miscommunication and being too earnest.
This was Crispin. Crispin was someone I knew when I was a child. We reconnected at a reunion when we were teenagers. He contacted me after and we started to hang out. I thought it was great because he was really generous and kept taking me for meals and buying takeaways then we would watch cool films together. One night I was sitting watching a film with him and he started stroking my leg and back. It was then I came to the chilling realisation that we had been dating this whole time. I immediately panicked and texted my friend to pick me up. As I left he went in for the kiss. I gave him my cheek. He was persistent and went in again. I gave him my other cheek. He tried a third time. I grabbed him in a hug and ran away. We never spoke again. #ithoughthewasagenerousfriend #notouchingplease #clueless #friendzone
Some aren't really that funny at all.
🚨Anonymous Submission Alert #submissionsunday 🚨 Carlos seemed like a good guy. A real gentleman. Then he sent me pictures he drew of his yoga teacher. Naked. I’m not sure why he thought this was appropriate... Now I know why why he booked so many one on one yoga sessions. #doessheknowaboutthenakeddrawings #yogaeverydamnday #lifedrawing #naked #asana #obsessed #dedicatedhispracticealright #strikeapose #yoga
But comedy's a lot like garbage: one person's trash is another's treasure. And I can't help but laugh at some of these.
👉🏻ANONYMOUS SUBMISSION👈🏻 This was Donnie. Donnie was an athlete and a total babe. I liked Donnie and I thought he was ready to hit a home run, but when he started to pull off his dirty ripped jeans he revealed sheer lace panties. They were much nicer than mine. Sorry Donnie you just struck out. #friendzonetotheendzone #hedidntmakethecut #strikeout
This was Victor. Victor was kind of cute. We were out one night and he dropped his kebab on the floor, squatted down and just started eating the remains right off the pavement. No Victor. Just no. #thefloorisnotaplate #thisexceedsthe5secondrule #cannotstopthinkingaboutthegerms #likeseriouslywhodoesthat #yafilthyanimal
This was Cameron. Let’s call him Cam. Cam and I met on holiday, he was the manager of the resort we were staying at. I ended up making out with him at the club in the early hours. We were both quite drunk and he invited me back to his. When we got there I was shocked at how messy it was and the Monica inside me just wanted to clean the whole place up. To distract myself from this I thought we should just get on with things. Then he asked me if I brought lube. Like yeah, sorry let me just get that out of my bag.. when I’m on holiday and you’ve invited me back to yours. 🤔 Soz Cam hun, you killed the mood. #lube #whatdoyouthinkagirltakesonholiday #travelsize #sozhun #dryasabone P.S. the sexiest thing about this encounter was when he told me he could lose his job for fraternising with a guest. #allthepower
This was Clarence. Clarence and I met at a sports centre and started hanging out. There was a lot of flirtation going on and we'd been on a few dates, I wasn't 100% sold on him but he was so nice I wanted to give it a good shot. We went rock climbing and he was showing off, I was watching him climb when suddenly I noticed a HUGE dark shadow creeping across his bum. His bum was so sweaty, nowhere else.. just his bum crack. I couldn't look him directly in the eyes after this, I just couldn't stop thinking about the slimy bum. Sorry Clarence. #bouldering #sweatybutt #bum
This was another attempt to make Sam fall in love with me. We were in the midst of sexting and I asked him what he liked. His response was, “oh, I don’t know, activities and things”... I’m not sure how to respond to that Sam 🤔 you really know how to keep that sexy mood going... #activitiesandthings #didhemeanmonopolyorblowjobs #sexting #sextingfails #reasonswerenotdating
This was Jason again. Jason was my boyfriend while I was at University. Jason was... uninhibited when it came to using my toilet. But he was more inhibited when it came to making sure everything had flushed away afterwards. Even when he was staying with me at my parents' house during the holidays. This became such a recurring issue that my mum started going in straight after him with a bucket to whoosh it away and take care of the problem. Not cool Jason. Not cool. #poo #poop #poohavetobekiddingme #ihadnochoicebuttoDUMPhim #eew #dating #datingfail #gross #ohcrap
This was Marcus. Marcus and I went to a firework display a week into our fledgling relationship. As the first rocket exploded above us he whispered in my ear 'I love you'. I pretended I hadn't heard him over the bang. #toosoon #didsomeonesaysomething #smileandlookstraightahead #woahnelly #letspretendthisneverhappened #iactuallyendedupfallinginlovewithhimtoo #thenherippedmyheartintoamilliontinypieces #wanker
This was Clive (again). I was on the bus at 7am on my daily commute and I received a picture from Clive. Thinking this might be a funny message to start my day off I opened it up and was both shocked and appalled to see a dick pick. Shocked because I wasn't expecting to see a dick so early, and appalled because the old lady next to me 100% thought I was a pervert. #thanksforthatclive #iknewyouweretroublewhenisawyourstupidtattoo #dickmove #nameshavebeenchanged
This one was my bad. I met Eric on a night out and we really clicked. A couple of dates in I was caught up in the whirlwind of excitement when you meet someone awesome. On a night out with friends after a few too many vodka cokes I was overcome with the need to see him. A barrage of texts ensued. The final messages I sent were 'You're the worst person I know' followed by just ':)'. Unsurprisingly, I never heard from him again #drunktexts #drunk #textmeback #datingfails #whycouldntistopafterthefirstmessage
This was Pablo, I thought we had LOADS in common before we started discussing music. It turns out he's not a Britney Spears fan and he doesn't want his friends to know I am either. #itsbritneybitch #loveconquersall #wehadaconnection #maybenot #ithinkimcool #dating #datingfails #datinglife #datenight #nameshavebeenchanged
This was Warren. We met on tinder. Before the date Warren did not mention that he not only supported Trump, but also actively worked on his campaign. Needless to say I went back to his, fooled around a bit, got stuck in a stairwell and only met up with him one more time. #inmydefensehewassuperhot #iultimatelycouldnotjointhetrumptrain #dating #datingfails #tinder #tinderfail #reasonswerenotdating #nameshavebeenchanged
This was Clive. Clive decided one day to tattoo his own birthday on his arm. I'm still not sure why you did that Clive. Perhaps you had short term memory loss or you didn't realise it wasn't an accepted form of ID. But I'm sorry Clive. This is the #reasonwerenotdating #nameshavebeenchanged #dating #datingfails
This was Norris. I'm not sure what to say about Norris. We worked together and he was pretty nice but I didn't feel a spark, he was kind of pursuing things anyway though. One day he came up to me with a bit of gossip and opened with, "I heard some news on the great vine". I can't remember anything about what happened after because I couldn't stop thinking about the mythical massive vine that gossip drops off of. I wondered what Marvin Gaye would think. I wondered what Norris sang when Heard It Through The Grapevine came on. I wondered a lot of things... except whatever Norris came over to tell me. #thatsnothowitgoes #hearditthroughthegrapevine #marvingaye #nameshavebeenchanged #reasonswerenotdating
The last one is probably the craziest, I mean, Jon Snow anyone? Hello?!