Ross Butler is one of the young stars of Netflix's hit series 13 Reasons Why. According to a new interview with Cosmopolitan, Butler didn't start dating until his mid-twenties, but one of the quotes he gave has people wondering if he should have either started sooner or waited a long, long time.
To be fair, Butler was asked for his advice to women on how they should get to know a guy, which seems like the kind of question that should have been retired with corsets and petticoats. But his answer was less than satisfactory.
“The way to a guy’s heart is through his hobbies." said Butler. "Find out what he’s passionate about, and if you really love him, get into it too. If I meet a girl who can talk video games, guitar, cooking, or good books, it’s a huge turn-on. And lots of guys like to teach, so if you can get hands-on with learning it, I’m telling you, you’ll get there.”
This annoyed some women:
The ladies agreed that it was common to hear they should invest in men's hobbies, but men are rarely advised to do the opposite.
My straight guy friends don’t even know the difference between straight and curly hair and I’m supposed to listen to them teach me shit? Nah— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 21, 2018
Reminds me of a girl’s really good argument that if she should HAVE TO get involved in her BF sports interests, he should have to put equal effort into her fashion interests.— Meredith McClaren (@IniquitousFish) April 22, 2018
Like waking up early to watch runway livestreams commitment.
And I swear the switch flipped. https://t.co/n9pcWb1hnb
lol I'll let het men teach me stuff when they can tell the difference between natural looking makeup and no makeup— Hanna Nina Jameson (@Hanna_Jameson) April 21, 2018
Others were pretty annoyed by Butler's list; these are all things they're interested in because they're truly interested, not because they're trying to impress a boy:
No, women have books, but men have “good books”. Women only read the 50 Shades trilogy and Twilight. Our brains aren’t equipped to deal with anything more taxing. And we certainly can’t WRITE good books. The very idea!— GirlInPinkTrainers (@Cated73) April 21, 2018
I forgot men were the leaders on being into good books. And cooking? Ffs, women do the majority of family cooking, but for men it’s a hobby. And many, many women are into video games but gamergate taught us how welcome we actually are in that world.— GirlInPinkTrainers (@Cated73) April 21, 2018
But if you're a woman and legit love *insert name of hobby here*? You'll spend most of your time proving your legitimacy cos Girls Can't Be Good At Stuff We Like. Heads they win, tails we lose.— Clare Worley (@clareworley) April 22, 2018
And everyone got a laugh at his "teaching" comment. Yes, we know men love to "teach."
I just did the jerkoff motion so hard I threw my phone across the room— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 21, 2018
Yeah, I do notice a lot of guys are threatened by a woman who might actually know stuff about their hobbies.— Arthur C Kit 🏳️🌈 (@GunpowderteaJ) April 22, 2018
Guys like that just want a woman they can infodump their knowledge-load into and receive admiration in return
Then their fragile self image needs some duct tape and some growing up. They don't actually want the sharing, they just want the admiration.— Girlybits (GB) (@girlybitsstream) April 22, 2018
That's not a relationship, that's pedestaling, and frankly, no one I know has time for that junk.
And some women said they'd tried! They'd tried investing in men's hobbies and it only lead to heartache:
Ugh. An ex of mine kept saying we had nothing in common after I put so much time and energy into getting into his hobbies and favourite shows (cont)— Die Katzen Koenigin (@KoeniginKatze) April 22, 2018
(cont) Whenever I didn't like something he liked or whenever I tried to get him into something I liked (that he'd more often than not dismiss pretty quickly tbh) that was usually when he'd say 'but we have nothing in common, how does this work?' Ugggh...— Die Katzen Koenigin (@KoeniginKatze) April 22, 2018
You couldn't be more spot on. I got into fishing because my ex liked it but when I asked him if he wanted to partake in any (just 1) of my many hobbies he'd always make excuses. It's ridiculous.— Simonne💟 (@SimsOrSimonne) April 22, 2018
Also, he'd get jealous when I'd catch something while fishing while he never did, so he eventually stopped taking me fishing😑— Simonne💟 (@SimsOrSimonne) April 22, 2018
Let's just all try to support each other's interests in relationships. Besides, you need alone time when you're dating someone, too. I would personally hate for a man to get invested in my skincare routine and steal all my expensive serums. Get your own, dude!