I can't remember which porn star said it, but her immortal words stuck with me: "once you've seen one penis, you've seen 'em all." And it's true; after a while, it's all boring skin. But now, thanks to a Lithuanian company called My Sexy Shorts, you can make things interesting with hand-knit, acrylic underwear. Your run-of-the-mill kielbasa can suddenly become a bear, elephant, or snake.
Yes, you can finally make your penis into a stuffed animal.
And who can we think for this innovation? CEO and Co-Founder Simas Zelvys. "I found out that nobody knits men's underwear," he told Mic in an email. "I needed to think of something unique that nobody sells, looks interesting and would be possible to use as a funny gift."
Why buy him a sweater when he could rock one of these?
"The most common customers are young women," Zelvys told Mic. "They are purchasing this for their boyfriends and husbands to surprise them for Christmas, Valentine's Day, birthdays, weddings, relationship anniversaries and many more occasions."
What says 'Happy Anniversary' like turning your junk into a cuddly Teddy Bear?
But what about functionality? Could this actually be comfortable? The answer is yes, according to product reviews on Etsy.
Apparently, the "fit is perfect and super soft, not itchy or scratchy," one user commented. Other users claim the products are "well constructed" and "great fun item for relaxing at home with [your] girl."
...Unfortunately the holidays we have coming up are Mother's Day and Father's Day, which seem like the least appropriate occasions to give this gift. But what do I know? Maybe your parents could use some hand-knit undergarments to spice things up. (h/t mic)