A seven-year-old named Matilda Jones is being heralded as the second coming of King Arthur after pulling a four foot sword out of Dozmary Pool. This would already be an insane story without any added mythology layered on top, but Dozmary Pool is supposedly the body of water into which the ancient king threw Excalibur before dying of his wounds from the Battle of Camlann.
The Daily Mail reports that Matilda's dad, Paul Jones, had just told the story to his daughter before she made her discovery.
Matilda was about waist deep when she spotted the sword, and pointed it out to her dad. He didn't believe her.
"I told her not to be silly and it was probably a bit of fencing, but when I looked down I realized it was a sword. It was just there laying flat on the bottom of the lake," explained Jones.
Matilda's dad doesn't think that Matilda found the real Excalibur or even a real artifact. Lots of filming goes on in the area and he suspects it's an old prop. But that's not stopping people from celebrating their new leader:
Well, that means England belongs to her now. No "Ifs", no "buts". Wish her the best of luck in the Brexit negotiations, Finally, a step up!— Teacher Dude (@teacherdude) September 4, 2017
Long live Queen BunnyCrocs! I kowtow in her general direction.— Mike Pingleton (@somuchpingle) September 4, 2017
Or from quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail, which covers the absurdity of the Arthurian legend pretty extensively. If you've never seen it, this might not make sense:
Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.— Roland Park Exile (@rpexile) September 4, 2017
Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.— Andrew Richards (@andrewwr235) September 4, 2017
if I went round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!— Goat Rich (@VainandAble) September 4, 2017
But you SHOULD see it, it's a classic!
Matilda would repress that peasant way better than King Arthur did. Long live the queen!