Twitter isn't just for observing the end of the world in 280 characters or less. There's some pretty funny tweets on there, alongside the apocalyptic variety. Here are some of the best from the last week or so...
GUYS. Just now. In gym.— Olivia A. Cole (@RantingOwl) January 10, 2018
*guy approaches two women working out, with flirtatious eyebrows at the ready*
Girl 1: UH you might not want to come over here, dude. I just farted. It’s bad.
Guy: *looks horrified. leaves.*
Girl 2: omg did you really?
Girl 1: psh no.
Only a FOOL would buy IKEA furniture. Instead I just download the instructions and keep emailing their service dept to say that I am missing a piece, until they ship me all the pieces over a six month period— jason y (@jasonarewhy) January 8, 2018
My girlfriend just started crying out of nowhere and when I asked her why she said “I don’t know, it’s like a burp — it just happens”— Leo Blake Carter ☻ (@LeoBlakeCarter) January 10, 2018
So I’m just gonna get her some chicken nuggets and tell her I’m always wrong
“How will I explain gay couples to my kids”— Kait ❄️ (@itzzkait) January 10, 2018
If you can explain to them that an immortal man in a red suit who lives in the North Pole travels around the world one night every year on a sleigh carried by flying reindeer I think it’ll be easy to tell them two people are in love
Me: man there's a lot of Devilman Crybaby on my feed today— 💎 Soft Diamonds 💎 (@SaltyFaun) January 8, 2018
Coworker: he can't stop fucking tweeting, can he?
Me: ....wait what?
Coworker: ......I thought we were talking about Trump
So accurate it hurt
As if the police have just came to my house. They explained to me someone took photos of my car as they where worried as blonde hair was sticking out the back. The policeman then asked me to open my boot so I did. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED it was ma clip in weave😂— Meghan Alexandra (@megalexandrax) January 10, 2018
I don't realize how bad my resting bitch face is until someone asks me why im mad it leaves me so shook like I'm over here minding my business thinking I look sweet & angelic when in reality I look like I murdered a family of 10 & a bunch of goats— sukhi (@mairanotmaria2) January 10, 2018
every time I see someone I went to high school with favorite one of my tweets I just wanna ask them why they just chose not to laugh at my jokes in class..... I was always funny..,,, & for y’all to suddenly suck my dick like this,,..,.it’s disrespectful— ELLISA (@ellisuhhh) January 10, 2018
when someone attempts to hold a conversation with me (longer than 2 minutes) and my system begins to shutdown and go back to its default...isolation but I have to push through it because my mental health rebukes socialization but my soul and I WANT and NEED to socialize. pic.twitter.com/ZQlpLbcpSF— queen quen (@quenblackwell) January 9, 2018
the government is so toxic and shady like y’all have watched me have how many mental breakdowns through my phone and not once asked me if I was okay like okay fuck you jared from the fbi— 𝖂𝖎𝖑𝖑𝖎𝖆𝖒 (@faguettte) January 9, 2018
Before giving his introduction in class today, a guy said "I'm going to be honest this is probably the only time you will see me here. I graduated in May. I'm just here because my girlfriends flight was delayed and told her I'd come take notes for her." If that ain't love.— Megan Anderson (@meganderson25) January 8, 2018