One of the most underrated advertising techniques out there is pretty basic. It's called honesty. Right now, people are clamoring to buy a simple 1999 Toyota Corolla because of an ad posted on Craigslist that cuts right through the flowery language.
The advertiser is based in Houston, and they're asking $2,500 for a car that won't quit. In their epic post, they get into all the reasons you should pony up the dough—this car is boring, basic, and can't be killed. Buckle up, and find yourself desperate for a Toyota as you read their perfect copy:
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.
The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let's talk about features.
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.
You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.
This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do:
Consent to sex: yes
Rent a car: it IS a car
This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.
Interesting facts: This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey. In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: spaghetti
Favorite tv show: Alf
Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Wow! I am SOLD. I don't even need a car. I can't even drive!
This post went viral, and got put on Twitter where it went even more viral.
People love the ad, down to the last detail:
$2,500 it was a steal of a deal the ad alone was worth that much😂😂— Brendan Tokarski (@btredwing98) April 24, 2018
And apparently everyone freaking loves Toyotas:
I had a 2000 Toyota Corolla and it rode like A Dream! 😀 $20 worth of gas would get you from Houston to Dallas - and you'd have change left over for snacks. I put gas in so rarely, I'd forget what side the gas cap was on. I drove it from TX to NY snow & back without a care! 💯— Professor S Schwartz (@TheProfSchwartz) April 24, 2018
Wait- keep in mind, I had a 1990 Toyota Corolla first. That was my introduction to the care free world of Corolla driving. I drove it through rain, sleet and snow - on Toyota tires. One day, my friend watched me glide thru traffic and said "You know this isn't a Porsche, right?"— Professor S Schwartz (@TheProfSchwartz) April 24, 2018
People may laugh but it's very true. The 1999 Toyota Corolla was a mistake by the manufacturer because they forgot to add the time obsolescence feature. No matter what you do to this car, it cannot die. In fact, if you get into an accident at 90mph, you will die but the car won't— Jappleng (@Jappleng) April 24, 2018
I loved my 99 Corolla. It was great and I am sure it’s out there somewhere living better than me.— R King (@rking7066) April 24, 2018
Who knew? If only every sales pitch made me see the world with new eyes. I hope this person gets everything they asked for, and more. Like a new Toyota.