23 Tweets That Sum Up Your Co-Workers
By Zachary BrennerIt’s easy having co-workers. You spend an insane amount of time with them and the only thing you have in common is that you were hired by the same company. Here are 23 tweets that sum up how we feel about these very strange relationships.
Sounds delicious. I've actually tried "an unwanted conversation" and it's very tasty.
[break room]
— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) March 4, 2016
coworker: what's for lunch?
me: [eating] food, generally
cw: no, I mean what are you having?
me: an unwanted conversation
Nicknames do help with camaraderie. Especially when they're as inventive as "Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner."
Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.
— Ceej (@ceejoyner) January 12, 2015
What could go wrong? A fake pregnancy is always the answer.
RAN INTO A COWORKER AT TARGET. DIDN'T WANT HER TO KNOW I WAS BUYING BABY CLOTHES FOR MY CAT SO I TOLD HER I'M PREGNANT
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 3, 2015
Honesty in the workplace is important. Especially when you say what everyone else is thinking.
Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2016
Me: I don't even think about work at work.
Probably a very long time. Not enough people know the lyrics to this song.
Just waiting to see how long until my coworkers realize that my robbery story is just the lyrics to Gloria Gaynor's "I will Survive".
— Woody (@WoodyLuvsCoffee) March 25, 2016
What a monster. That smell is going to linger for days.
The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 12, 2015
A solid plan. Everyone loves a twin.
I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.
— Sweet Slips (@Ndeshi_M) May 14, 2015
Ruthless, indeed. People who can't appreciate a solid joke like this aren't worth your time.
A girl named Ruth quit working at our office. I've been referring to the office as "ruthless" since then. People are pissed.
— gerry hall (@gerryhallcomedy) June 30, 2015
Someone is going to have a meeting with HR. But honestly, there are worse things than being a cuddler.
A thing I learned at this week's staff meeting is I like to cuddle as I fall asleep.
— Just Bill ❄ (@WilliamAder) April 20, 2016
It's strange how this can be a bad thing.
You ever look at one of your coworkers who's stressing out and think "You really give a fuck about this job,huh? Wow."
— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) December 16, 2014
There's got to be an easier way. Though baby hands on an adult is a fun thing to picture.
Office fun: replace your coworker's mouse with a larger mouse so he thinks his hands are shrinking then call him "baby hands" until he quits
— vineyille (@vineyille) July 16, 2013
Is this mean or nice? Maybe a little of both?
Brings donuts to work because if I can't be skinny neither can you.
— 💜 Miss Kerri 💜 (@kwirkyKerri) October 25, 2015
It's better for you anyway. Small talk is the WORST.
[waiting for elevator]
— moody monday (@mdob11) December 26, 2014
Coworker: Hey, how's it go-
Me: I'll take the stairs.
Maybe not the best plan. Though I'm sure it made him feel loved.
Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss
— Mayor P (@punmagnate) August 19, 2013
Preach.
We all have this colleague who, we hope, quits his job so everyone in the office is happy. If you don't know any such person, quit your job.
— pnkj (@AskThePankazzzz) May 15, 2014
Here's hoping it lasts. Most of them don't.
Best thing about dating someone in office: No long phone convos as you meet each other daily.
— A muse sing (@LoKarloFollow) January 13, 2013
Worst thing: You've to meet each other daily.
Communication is key.
How to be a grown up at work:
— Pin Up Teacher (@pinupteacher) April 3, 2015
Replace "Fuck you" with "Ok, great"
On behalf of everyone, I thank you for sparing us that great discomfort.
[walks up to coworker's desk]
— Sarcasticsapien (@Sarcasticsapien) January 19, 2015
I know I don't say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids.
We're not ignoring this because it's brilliant.
Please ignore this tweet, I'm pretending to be adding a coworker's phone number.
— Malbec 🇦🇷 (@MissMalbec) May 12, 2014
Who does this? They should for sure be arrested.
if u try to start a conversation with me while in the next door bathroom stall i will call the cops
— farah brook (@farahbrook) October 18, 2015
Be yourself.
my co-worker got a new apartment & i told her about the guy who got decapitated in her neighborhood last week. office life isn't for me.
— SUE SMITH (@suesmith666) June 4, 2015
Classic Todd.
I wonder how many consecutive Mondays Todd will respond "not long enough" in regards to how his weekend was. We're at 7.
— Mel Owens (@melowens) November 9, 2015
And, finally, the honest truth.
STAGES OF WORKING FROM HOME
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) July 14, 2015
- Yay I get to work from home
- It would be nice to talk to people
- I hope that pigeon sits in the window today
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