It’s easy having co-workers. You spend an insane amount of time with them and the only thing you have in common is that you were hired by the same company. Here are 23 tweets that sum up how we feel about these very strange relationships.
[break room]— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) March 4, 2016
coworker: what's for lunch?
me: [eating] food, generally
cw: no, I mean what are you having?
me: an unwanted conversation
Nicknames do help with camaraderie
Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner.— Ceej (@ceejoyner) January 12, 2015
What could go wrong?
RAN INTO A COWORKER AT TARGET. DIDN'T WANT HER TO KNOW I WAS BUYING BABY CLOTHES FOR MY CAT SO I TOLD HER I'M PREGNANT— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) March 3, 2015
Honesty in the workplace is important
Coworker: Do you ever think about work at home?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 18, 2016
Me: I don't even think about work at work.
Probably a very long time
Just waiting to see how long until my coworkers realize that my robbery story is just the lyrics to Gloria Gaynor's "I will Survive".— Woody (@WoodyLuvsCoffee) March 25, 2016
What a monster
The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 12, 2015
A solid plan
I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.— Sweet Slips (@Ndeshi_M) May 14, 2015
A girl named Ruth quit working at our office. I've been referring to the office as "ruthless" since then. People are pissed.— gerry hall (@gerryhallcomedy) June 30, 2015
Someone is going to have a meeting with HR
A thing I learned at this week's staff meeting is I like to cuddle as I fall asleep.— Just Bill ❄ (@WilliamAder) April 20, 2016
It's strange how this can be a bad thing
You ever look at one of your coworkers who's stressing out and think "You really give a fuck about this job,huh? Wow."— Larry Beyince (@DragonflyJonez) December 16, 2014
There's got to be an easier way
Office fun: replace your coworker's mouse with a larger mouse so he thinks his hands are shrinking then call him "baby hands" until he quits— vineyille (@vineyille) July 16, 2013
Is this mean or nice?
Brings donuts to work because if I can't be skinny neither can you.— 💜 Miss Kerri 💜 (@kwirkyKerri) October 25, 2015
It's better for you anyway
[waiting for elevator]— moody monday (@mdob11) December 26, 2014
Coworker: Hey, how's it go-
Me: I'll take the stairs.
Maybe not the best plan
Accidentally made eye contact w/co-worker thru bathroom stall door crack. Didn't know what to do so I blew him a kiss— Mayor P (@punmagnate) August 19, 2013
We all have this colleague who, we hope, quits his job so everyone in the office is happy. If you don't know any such person, quit your job.— pnkj (@AskThePankazzzz) May 15, 2014
Here's to hoping it lasts
Best thing about dating someone in office: No long phone convos as you meet each other daily.— A muse sing (@LoKarloFollow) January 13, 2013
Worst thing: You've to meet each other daily.
Communication is key
How to be a grown up at work:— Pin Up Teacher (@pinupteacher) April 3, 2015
Replace "Fuck you" with "Ok, great"
On behalf of everyone
[walks up to coworker's desk]— Sarcasticsapien (@Sarcasticsapien) January 19, 2015
I know I don't say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids.
We're not ignoring this
Please ignore this tweet, I'm pretending to be adding a coworker's phone number.— Malbec 🇦🇷 (@MissMalbec) May 12, 2014
Who does this?
if u try to start a conversation with me while in the next door bathroom stall i will call the cops— farah brook (@farahbrook) October 18, 2015
my co-worker got a new apartment & i told her about the guy who got decapitated in her neighborhood last week. office life isn't for me.— SUE SMITH (@suesmith666) June 4, 2015
I wonder how many consecutive Mondays Todd will respond "not long enough" in regards to how his weekend was. We're at 7.— Mel Owens (@melowens) November 9, 2015
And, finally, the honest truth
STAGES OF WORKING FROM HOME— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) July 14, 2015
- Yay I get to work from home
- It would be nice to talk to people
- I hope that pigeon sits in the window today
I grew up in a marginally superstitious family who brought some beliefs and hocus-pocus superstitions from the old country. I couldn't make too much noise late at night for fear of attracting a "jinn." I couldn't point at cemeteries or stare into a mirror for too long or my face would become deformed, and heaven help me if I was ever mean to or disobeyed my parents or grandparents, because then I'd be looking at a cursed life that would ruin me until the day that I died.
But the idea of "back luck" or stepping on cracks, walking under ladders, or stealing a black cat's macchiato isn't something that my family really bought into. Sure, we believed in supernatural stuff and the idea that karma gets back around to mess with you or your kids, but "bad luck"?
No honey, it isn't luck that's ruining your life, it's an unseen species of metaphysical monsters that exist in a different plane we know little about—but they are mentioned in the Quran, so be careful!
There are phenomena so unfortunate that simply looking at images of them will cause the same bad luck to befall you. So on this Friday the 13th, gaze upon these pictures with extreme caution.