If you've ever watched intense Dance Dance Revolution players, it can be somewhat of a revelation.
There's a rabbit hole of DDR afficionados you can get into viewing on YouTube, but people take this super stepping bonanza very seriously.
But probably not as seriously as this dude and his military middle school took the game when they basically created an entire prison-like economy that centered around Dance Dance Revolution. Enjoy.
OK, I have a story about prison rules and Dance Dance Revolution:— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
In middle school I went to a military school (long story). It was a perfect blend of Disney movies: 50% "Cadet Kelly" and 50% "Holes" (I realize both could be porn titles)— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
Unlike Cadet Kelly, there was a large element of a sort of prison culture, given that kids age 12-20 were alone most of the time with only marginally older military officers around most of the time.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
Based on your conduct you got merits or demerits. Over 5 demerits a day and you were marching in the sun for 45m per demerit. Talking back to a professor was 2 demerits. Cursing was 4. Fighting was 10-20 based on severity.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
The other kicker was that they accumulated. Every 9 or 12 weeks they would tally your total demerits for the quarter and year and based on that you would be given a "conduct status" that determined rank advancement and privileges.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
The people with the highest conduct (sub 15 demerits per 9 week period) could have an Xbox and a TV in their room, but no M Rated games. You also got to go into town on weekends. This meant you could smuggle contraband back to the barracks.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
You were not allowed to have food or drinks in the barracks, but everyone did and they were the currency along with cigs. Cigs were more for the older people and active service guys.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
If you were there in middle school, and because the 15 demerit cutoff was higher than the punishment for fighting (usually 10 demerits), you could and would just get your ass beat if you hoarded Shin Ramen cups, Gatorades, Cigs, or other valuable materials (porn) ->they'd take it— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
The exception to this was the korean kids. They sort of rolled in a pack / gang and it was not smart to fuck w them bc they ran all the student logistics ops and would mess your life up if you did. You meals would go missing, you'd get worse gear, etc— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
So the Korean kids became the clearinghouse for debts between students. You'd stash a box of contraband and in exchange for a cut they would hold it and you wouldn't get stomped.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
And the presence of the clearinghouse allowed for gambling with settlement. Problem was they banned playing cards, etc. So what did we have we could gamble on? Not much. But we did have a Dance Dance Revolution set up.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
My 8th grade year I am bunk mates with one of the aforementioned korean middle school gangsters. And the DDR set up becomes the default method of gambling and settling scores on which there is serious contraband.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
Out of nowhere, everyone starts seriously TRAINING to get good at Dance Dance Revolution, bc if you can win a dance off in the korean room you can cash out BIG. Including me.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
Fast forward 3-4 months and the Bravo company barracks is probably the most competitive group of DDR players ever assembled, bc everyone played like 3 hours a night to try to rig some bet the next day.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
Anyway, the admins eventually figure out what was happening bc some kid got caught with his winnings (like a carton of cigs and a case of gatorade), and he ratted everyone out.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
Being military guys, they found the concept of underground dance fighting for contraband.... "entertaining", so rather than banning it or coming down, they put up cameras around the DDR set up and recorded everything.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
They then did a little editing and put together a 10 minute superclip of the most horrible looking people dancing (if you were fat, lanky, or otherwise funny looking, they cut you in), and played it in front of the entire battalion.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
So basically it turns out if your street cred is based on Dance Dance Revolution, that doesn't hold up as well under the light of day as you might imagine.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
Everyone involved got beat up and their shit got run through. I probably lost 20-30 Shin Ramen cups, which was a big hit to my tangible net worth at the time. All while my truly magnificent DDR skills were mocked.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
It was seriously traumatic at the time (I got KTFOed), and then you'd go in to the commandant and try to explain and you couldn't get past the DDR stuff because... well, it was probably the funniest shit he'd ever heard/seen.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
So now whenever I see DDR, I have a sort of Vietnam Flashback to getting my ass beat and get really weird about it. But, again, it's not really a story you can get through bc it's so absurd. On the bright side, I'm still a DDR legend, which as some point will pay off I'm sure.— Ricky Bobby (@RickyBobbyLP) October 25, 2017
The most absurd part of this story is that there were that many people who thought DDR was cool, but we've all had our guilty pleasures. Some are just more embarrassing than others.
There are plenty of instances where the United States Justice system screws up royally and totally innocent people end up getting shafted in ways that would give any depressing Oscar-contending film a run for its money. And in moments like that it's easy to shake your head and everyone involved in doling out justice in this country.
From the court system and its corrupt judges, to some cops who abuse children and are generally unfit as agents of "peace keeping," getting down on the way we're policing our citizens isn't difficult.
But make no mistake - there are tons of absolute morons who break the law every single day, and after hearing these stories from probation officers about some of the strangest and straight-up clueless offenders they've ever dealt with, you might start sympathizing with Johnny Law a bit more.
All right, maybe you won't go that far, but you know what I mean.
When I think of vending machines I think of frustration. Of late hours at some government building waiting to get some bureaucratic nonsense taken care of. Or stressful times at a hospital. Unhealthy snacks and feeling gross immediately after I cave into my desire for junk food.
But it doesn't have to be that way. There are plenty of awesome vending machines out there that go above and beyond the stale chips and crusty, white-dust-coated candy bar stereotype.
These are the vending machines of the future, and the future's looking pretty darn good.
Dads. They’re notorious for their senses of humor—whether cheesy or savage, witty or groan-worthy, they never miss an opportunity to try and make us laugh. In fact, dads are such natural comedians they often crack us up without even meaning to. It should come as no surprise then, that when dads learn to text, hilarity ensues.
Here are 21 dads who prove that, in their hands, smartphones are truly a blessing: