There's no one who can roast you better than your parents.
They know all of your deepest, darkest secrets. They wiped your butt when you were a kid, they've amassed a lifetime of roasting material on you and should they choose to act on any of it, they could end you in a heartbeat.
Most of the times, parents are way to benevolent to embarrass their children beyond belief. But when they're not so kind, amazing things happen. Well, it's amazing for everyone except their humiliated kids.
Like these parents who gifted custom bottles of wine that had their son's face plastered on them with a simple and direct message.
My parents always get our elementary school teachers a present around Christmas. Typically something small like a candle or flower to say thank you. This year they got them bottles of wine & replaced the labels with their own with my brother on them... Happy holidays pic.twitter.com/hErPgrjX44— DJ Sommers (@Sommers_DJ) December 18, 2017
And this mom who started getting dates at her daughter's college football team on the day of orientation.
This dad who decided to accompany her daughter to her first college class and update the rest of their family.
This mom who uses text-to-speech and doesn't care if you hear her very tame road rage language.
This dad who trolled his daughter after taking away her phone. This takes savagery to a whole other level.
This dad who managed to have a stronger selfie game than his kids by taking photos with just a regular old cube.
These parents who decided that the best way to celebrate Christmas was with their son's mugshot.
This mom who was just tired with the way her children speak.
This dad who decided to finally cut the umbilical cord.
And this dad who thought his kid's taste in memes was questionable.
This dad who filmed the wrong girl walking down the aisle during graduation.
This mom who's not really impressed about the famous sports stars her son's meeting.
And this mom who met some famous people of her own.
This mom who doesn't have time to know what the family dog looks like.
Oh and then there was the time Kendrick Lamar's mother flexed a stronger emoji game than her son.
I couldn't be embarrassed by that one too be honest. Incredible.
We’ve all been there. You swipe right on Tinder, decide on a place to meet, and realize about five minutes in that leaving your house in the first place was a huge error. Maybe you feel like you’ve been catfished because they look nothing like their photos (surprise!), or perhaps you quickly realize they weren’t being sarcastic in their profile when they said their favorite band was The Beatles.
Whatever the case may be, there’s no flying spark to indicate this is the person of your dreams. And maybe you’re the mature kind of individual who can finish their drink, bring up the fact that you don’t see a future together, split the bill, and head your own separate ways. Bravo!
But what if you’re not? u/PM_Me_YourTinyBoobs kindly addressed this very question on Reddit when he asked what a person could say to instantly derail a date. The answers ranged from painfully incestuous to downright hilarious.
Next time you just need to shut it down really quickly and abruptly, these are some perfect lines you can use.
When I had my first drink, I didn't have much of a frame of reference, but I knew that a drink order says a lot about a person. So I chose wisely and just imitated whoever I thought was cool when I was growing up. And there's no one cooler than Clint Eastwood in any Western, ever.
So I ordered myself a whiskey. Neat. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't like the flavor. But I stuck with that drink every time I went out with my friends. I tried different types of whiskey and settled on Jameson. Why? Image. It was all image.
Although I don't really drink that much anymore, when I do, I let my best friend either make my drink or at least decide what I should be sippin' on (he's an amazing bartender), because I clearly have no idea what I'm doing. And he's probably doing me a solid by making me look like I'm somewhat cultured in front of other bartenders. Because, as I've learned in this AskReddit post, there are stereotypes associated with particular drinks and they can get pretty judgmental.
There are plenty of ways to troll a sleeping friend while on a road trip. My personal favorite is parking the car in front of a light pole or a wall, flashing your lights, and having everyone in the car at the same time scream their heads off as if you're all about to die.
That's one way to wake them up.
But Eria found a different approach to trolling her boyfriend, Scott, that had a much longer effect: she enlisted the help of the I'm Telling God Facebook group in roasting him mercilessly for his soporific ways. As a result, the 'Sleepy Scott' meme was born.