He takes lawn care very seriously.
Strangely enough, he's not appalled by the own stuff he says.
Guess they're more about goatees.
The first rule of being a drug dealer is not calling the cops on yourself.
"Eye (cracks knuckles) it looks like you didn't separate the glass from plastics..."
If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all...or a nurse will kill you.
This quote should be on the DVD box set.
So he's basically my friend's grandmother.
If he decides to become a supervillain, The Bug Bomber is a pretty good name.
"Hey not only do we pay you so little that we give you Food Stamps information in your employment packet, but could you deliver this for us while you're off the clock? Thanks."
They better come up with a payment structure for this test program fast.
"But...peace was all I wanted!"
That's one way to combat child pornography...
"Seriously bro, stop reading it. Like, you haven't even started Harry Potter yet and I've been asking you to read it for years."
If you need someone to tell you this...
What the hell were they cooking that pizza with?
Cool, while we're at it, God will take care of your job, so you probably don't need employment in Congress anymore. Give someone else the chance to make some money.
One for every occasion, I suppose.
"Yeah like, you need to be cool to know what it means, it was an inside joke...that he posted to Twitter...as the President of the United States."
I grew up in a marginally superstitious family who brought some beliefs and hocus-pocus superstitions from the old country. I couldn't make too much noise late at night for fear of attracting a "jinn." I couldn't point at cemeteries or stare into a mirror for too long or my face would become deformed, and heaven help me if I was ever mean to or disobeyed my parents or grandparents, because then I'd be looking at a cursed life that would ruin me until the day that I died.
But the idea of "back luck" or stepping on cracks, walking under ladders, or stealing a black cat's macchiato isn't something that my family really bought into. Sure, we believed in supernatural stuff and the idea that karma gets back around to mess with you or your kids, but "bad luck"?
No honey, it isn't luck that's ruining your life, it's an unseen species of metaphysical monsters that exist in a different plane we know little about—but they are mentioned in the Quran, so be careful!
There are phenomena so unfortunate that simply looking at images of them will cause the same bad luck to befall you. So on this Friday the 13th, gaze upon these pictures with extreme caution.