In an effort to incentivize wealthy New Yorkers to be more philanthropic, Donald Trump was given the chance to be "Principal for a Day" at a public school in the Bronx.
According to a New York Times article, Trump was asked to give a speech in front of a group of fifth graders at P.S. 70. "Make the speech inspiring, he was asked, something to encourage a group of children whose universe is one of New York City's most disadvantaged neighborhoods."
Naturally, every hand in the room shot up.
"If everybody puts their name on a piece of paper right now, I will pick 15 people and I'll take you to the new Nike store that I just opened at Trump Tower," Trump promised.
Apparently, for Trump, this was a perfect intro for a speech on the American dream.
"Is there anyone here that doesn't want to live in a big, beautiful mansion?" he asked. "You know what you have to do to live in a big beautiful mansion?"
"Be rich," a voice answered.
"That's right," Trump said. "You have to work hard, get through school. You have to go out and get a great job, make a lot of money and you live the American dream. And you're going to have fun doing it. It's a lot of fun."
Pretty strong words for a man who inherited a great deal of his wealth from his father.
The excitement in the room, and Trump's bolstered ego, didn't last long, however, once he started taking questions from the kids.
Cue 11-year-old Andres Rodriguez, whose father had recently passed away, and whose mother couldn't work because of a disability.
David MacEnulty, who ran the celebrated chess program at P.S. 70, told The 74 Million that Trump was stumped by the question.
"Trump finally said, 'I don't have an answer.' That's a direct quote," MacEnulty said.
Trump's solution? Give out more Nikes.
To add insult to injury, Trump gave a fake $1 million dollar bill to a bake sale that was raising money for the school's chess team to travel to a tournament in Tennessee.
He eventually took it back and replaced it with $200, but compared to other wealthy "Principals for a Day," it was chump change.
According to the Times, the chairman of a telephone company had just pledged $25,000 to another school in the Bronx the day before, while a high-powered attorney had pledged to raise $100,000 to renovate the library at a school in Manhattan.
"Money does not buy happiness, but it helps. Always remember that."
Growing up as a Muslim-Albanian family with very patriarchal ideas on the way a family is supposed to operate, my idea of what a father should be was a very "man's man" one.
He brings home the bacon, laughs maybe five times a year, and was really into Clint Eastwood and Martin Scorcese movies. Oh, and a Marlboro Red had to be perpetually hanging out the side of his mouth.
Fast forward years later and here I am, dadding it up, and I'm not that, like, at all. The manliest thing I probably do is hit the gym, bro, and not shave my chest hair. Other than that though, I'm nothing like the former generation of "guy's guys" that raised me. Which I'm totally cool with, because I'm already learning special hair braids to try out on my daughter once she gets older. Because her old man might be a North Jersey meathead, but he's going to be a meathead who doesn't mind having tea parties and getting his nails painted with his little girl.