Valentine's Day is coming up and that means one thing is on everyone's mind. Say it with me.
Picking out the perfect Valentine's Day cards.
But what if you and your partner have been together for a really long time? What if you have said everything that needs to be said? You can't just not get a card. That is the kind of the thing that destroys relationships. Fortunately, there are cards that exist for you, too.
When it comes to V-Day, there are two distinct groups of people: the ones who go all out with the flowers and the chocolates and the expensive dinners ... and the ones who don't. Some of us just can't do gushy, and that's OK!
If you're looking to make your SO laugh instead of cry on Feb. 14, get inspired by the 30 hysterical cards below. Because everyone knows that brutal honesty is the sincerest form of love ... right?
1. This is the closest I come to flirting.
I'm sorry it's the best I can do.
2. You want to know the true mark of love?
When you still have the hots for someone, even when they rock this lamentable socks + sandals combo.
3. You're lucky I put up with you.
But I guess you can say the same about me?
4. u up?
The true mark of desire.
5. That's the best anyone can hope for.
The cardboard coloring on this one is what really makes it.
6. You... know the rest.
A Valentine's Day card that could only exist in this day and age.
Randomly putting "poop" on cards isn't weird it's just, well, I guess it is kind of weird.
8. How intimate
I don't want to think about this one for too long it depresses me.
Straiht to the point, I like it.
10. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.
If some people told this to me, I'd take it as a total profession of love.
11. Pff... Wha...?
Oh so THAT'S what happened that night!
12. Yes. That good.
Well I do have a rather nice keister.
That's more like it.
14. Give it time though.
Sooner or later, everyone gets fed up.
15. Hey, just because it's a settlement...
Doesn't mean it can't be a great one, right?
16. Such a poet.
Shakespear ewould be green with envy.
17. I am not a creep.
Yeah maybe don't give this card to anyone you actually care about.
These cardboard designs, man.
19. Wow! That much, huh?
There is no higher praise than this.
20. Inside the card?
Those little pigs in the process of making more little pigs is what really makes it.
21. And I REALLY hate your farts.
"The's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."
22. This is the so gross/sweet.
23. I won't.
Seriously, there's no way they can slice this information and they'll tell you I don't really love you, I'm just being cheesy. Also, that I'm bad at pizza puns.
24. Woah. This may be moving a little too fast for me.
OK well this is just a straight up lie.
25. They sure do.
Didn't know we were living out a Nine Inch Nails song, but here we are.
26. Never release it.
You've stolen my heart, just like Nic Cage stole the Declaration of Independence.
27. Math is sexy.
Well sometimes it is. Mostly it's a pain in the butt.
28. Let's get brunch.
Well you're my everything with veggie cream cheese!
29. I wouldn't call the police.
BRB, definitely not calling 911.
30. Thank you?
I actually would take this as a compliment.