It's difficult to understand why human beings are so fascinated with solar eclipses. Yes, it is a natural anomaly that is beautiful in its own way. You've got the moon covering the sun. You've got darkness out of nowhere when it's supposed to be light. You've got a bunch of children looking at it with these little pinhole glasses for the sake of science...or something. Good times for everyone involved but it doesn't really make much sense, now does it?
The Great American Eclipse is happening NOW, people (or it already happened. I don't know when you're reading this!). And the great thing about this eclipse is that while in the past, people had to just go "wow" at how beautiful it all is, now we can livetweet the eclipse for all our friends, for it is 2017 and America is already great.
What if... the moon bails?— Becky Chicoine (@Beckychicoine) August 21, 2017
And yeah, the eclipse is stunning, but not even as much as this joke, let's be real.
Don't ever look directly at me or my sun again— Calvert Morgan (@CalMorgan) August 21, 2017
Or all the Twilight jokes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time somebody steals that "Not to spoil the eclipse for y'all but Bella chooses Edward lol" tweet— Hitokiri Battōsai (@shellystrick4L) August 21, 2017
Or when people noticed how weird all this eclipse fashion was.
This eclipse combines my both interest in science and seeing if I can "pull off" sunglasses.— Eric Cunningham (@EricCunningham) August 21, 2017
Just don't stare at these tweets too hard.
The eclipse is like a dick pic - if you look right at it, it'll effect your vision forever.— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) August 21, 2017
treat me like the solar eclipse: don't look at me— Heather Schmelzlen (@anchorlines) August 21, 2017
today the moon passes in front of the sun in a pathetic grasp for attention— ryan clark (@dollarslices) August 21, 2017
the sun and the moon should fuck— Lee Tipton (@thebavid) August 21, 2017
Lucky for me, my kink is birds being confused.— Cole Escola (@ColeEscola) August 21, 2017
Hey instead of looking at the eclipse maybe try looking at your privilege— Joe R (@Randazzoj) August 21, 2017
There's a guy in this coffee shop who literally just said, "Did it start yet?" then walked outside, looked straight up, and screamed.— Robin Wasserman (@robinwasserman) August 21, 2017
If you can't find the eclipse it's the small bundle of nerves right above the vaginal opening.— Justin Perez (@justinperez) August 21, 2017
if real life was a tv show. the eclipse would be one of the episodes of it— wint (@dril) August 21, 2017
Don't forget: u can always reapproximate the eclipse experience with a tab of acid, a star projector & the intimate awareness that we r dust— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) August 21, 2017
Be sensitive to your friends after the eclipse bc some of them prob switched bodies in a Freaky Friday sitch but are embarrassed to tell you— Pjörk 🐷 (@NicoleConlan) August 21, 2017
Probably the coolest part of the eclipse for me was remembering the names of the Forgotten Gods— Patrick Monahan (@pattymo) August 21, 2017
if u like the eclipse ur gonna love nighttime— caitlin bitzegaio 🌹 (@caitorade) August 21, 2017
This eclipse is a wonderful reminder that there is a spot in the sky you're just, like, never allowed to look— Dave Ebert (@horsedivorce) August 21, 2017
It's hard for me to look at the eclipse because I dated the moon— Teresa Lee 🏳️🌈 (@leresatee) August 21, 2017
Happy two-minute magic darkness y'all! Now a scary thought would be if eclipses took way longer than that amount of time. What about a two hour eclipse? I wonder how we would feel about it then. Then again, you could always move to Alaska and do that 30 Days of Night thing. Personally, that doesn't seem too bad, I mean, you get to sleep in all of the time and not have to worry about the dumb light of sun blinding you when you wake up in the morning? Sounds like the perfect vacation scenario to me.