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Source: getty

Man Asks Internet What Insulting Nickname Donald Trump Would Give Himself


Donald Trump loves to give his many enemies catchy little nicknames he can use in his many tweets attacking them. Like calling Elizabeth Warren "Pocahontas," and so on. Usually, he grabs some aspect of their personality and tries to make a rhyme or goes for something racist. Tried and true formula for hatefulness.

Twitter comedian Ken Tremendous asked everyone what Trump would nickname himself if he were in a fight...with himself. It could happen, he's kind of running out of other people to get angry at. According to a poll of four choices, "Golfin' Donnie" is the winner.

I think we can do better than that. They aren't really his style, but the names Samantha Bee regularly comes up with on Full Frontal With Samantha Bee are more my speed. Here are some favorites:

  • Sentient caps-lock button
  • Freshly sandpapered reality star
  • Two-bit wall salesman
  • Melting hunk of uninformed apricot Jell-O
  • Erratic rage quasar
  • America’s first appendix
  • Backfired wish that Republicans made on a cursed monkey’s paw
  • Agent Orange
  • Bigoted See ’n Say
  • Dauphin of Breitbartistan
  • Demagoguing bag of candy corn
  • George Wallace in a wig
  • Cheap National Front knockoff
  • Big hairy orange villain
  • M. Night Orangeman
  • Grotesque caterpillar turning into a somehow even more grotesque butterfly
  • Heretical billionaire bully
  • Nativist foghorn
  • Crotch-fondling slab of rancid meatloaf
  • Casino Mussolini
  • Monstrous apricot bulb
  • Hometown embarrassment
  • Screaming carrot demon
  • First-grader with a head injury
  • 16-month Hindenburg explosion
  • Orange supremacist
  • Sociopathic 70-year-old toddler
  • Failed QVC steak salesman
  • Nasty garbage monster
  • The white power movement’s orange ally
  • Thrice-married foul-mouthed tit judge who likes Planned Parenthood and thinks Corinthians is a type of car upholstery
  • Two-bit used hate salesman
  • The asteroid that just destroyed a party of dinosaurs
  • Fat Elvis
  • Creamsicle
  • Tangerine tinted trash can fire
  • Tax-cheating, investor-swindling, worker-shafting, dictator-loving, pathologically lying, attorneys general–bribing, philandering, mobbed up, narcissistic serial con artist

But lots of other people have great ideas: