Despite working at it since the beginning of time, it seems like couples still haven't figured out how to talk to each other directly about sex. That's what keeps the advice industry in business, and this recent column from the Guardian's Pamela Stephenson Connolly may be the most perfect example of the genre: a clueless guy asking why his girlfriend touches herself and making everyone pee themselves laughing.
Here's the full question from Romeo:
I have been in a relationship for nine months. I thought the sex was good for us both, but when we finish she tells me to shower. I wondered why, and now I know – she masturbates. She has done it multiple times; I think she is insatiable. What should I do?
Well, first of all, your girlfriend having a high libido that she manages herself doesn't seem like the biggest problem in the world. Go take your shower and mind your own business. But the more obvious problem is that it probably isn't her second orgasm, buddy. She's doing what you can't.
Connolly is much more gentle with the questioner, writing, "Many women crave a second orgasm, especially if she has been super-aroused during intercourse. Perhaps she doesn’t want to bother you for that extra pleasuring, or maybe she is afraid you might think her too demanding."
The Internet is not being gentle at all.
And she needs to let him know. Teamwork makes the cream the work— A Born Again Hooligan (@KwabSiCC) March 5, 2018
People actually can't believe the advice this man got:
A few people tried to give him the benefit of the doubt...but not really.
Some women want a clitoral orgasm as well as a vaginal orgasm so she might be getting one but not the other but they’re is a slight chance she’s getting none at all— CAIN ✌ (@EMCEECAIN) March 5, 2018
Yes that's true, but he didn't specify that it was purely PIV intercourse: he said "have sex" - that includes a whooooole lot of other things. (Or it should. It seems in this case it might not have... 😂)— The Magpirate (@missmagpirate) March 5, 2018
Or suggest that this guy try actually talking to his girlfriend about it:
But most are just laughing their asses off.
The same reason that after a meal at a poncey restaurant with tiny plates, I'll pick up a portion of chips on the way home!— The Magpirate (@missmagpirate) March 5, 2018
Is she insatiable ? He asks, rather than, am I not giving my girlfriend an orgasm? Hahaha— mars (@mmsherbert) March 6, 2018
Hard to get told by all of Twitter that you're bad in bed, but someone had to say it.