butt_jeans

These $1,800 Jeans Unzip In The Back To Reveal Your Entire Rear End

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Nov. 18 2019, Updated 2:30 p.m. ET

Please, do not tell me I don't understand fashion. You want something that's as comfortable as it is stylish. That's why these pants by VetementsXLevi's are the perfect match of form and function. Elite Daily reports that these "high-rise distressed" jeans go for $1,870 a pair, and they're worth every penny. Because sometimes you want to look hot, but need to be able to pop a squat on any patch of grass you can find. It can be so embarrassing to pull your pants completely down when you need to take a dump, ya know? The ladies get it. Problem solved:

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Vetements is a very high-end company, and they sell notoriously impractical things at an extremely high price. Personally, I think they overshot this one. They made something so ridiculous it came around to being useful again. We all used to wear pants with a poop shoot, before "The Man" demanded otherwise. Remember long johns? Pajamas? Being a baby who got their butt wiped? This is the perfect design, though some disagree:

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Consider the other uses. You might be hot and need a cool breeze back there. Maybe you sat in a puddle and want to let your underwear dry out—damp underwear sucks. Maybe a small, but excitable frog fell down your pants and you need to get it out as fast as possible! There could also be sexual reasons for having your pants unzip across the behind, but I try to keep my mind out of the gutter .

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And look, they have them as shorts, too:

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When you see them off the model, the pants look like they split directly in half. In theory, two people could wear one pant leg each, and walk down the street hand-in-hand, as friends. What the world needs now is more of these pants to unite us. If only we could afford them.

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