Woman Accidentally Goes On Date With '97-Year-Old' And Shares All The Details

1 year ago

Technology has revolutionized dating. In this day and age, you're only one right swipe away from meeting the love of your life. The issue? You're also one right swipe away from disaster. Take Twitter user Priya-Alika Elias, who recently shared the story of an OKCupid date that didn't go so great.

Why? The guy she was chatting with ended up being about three times her own age...

omg did i ever tweet about the time i went on a date with a 97 year old. its my favourite old man story
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

impossible to tell anything from those pictures except that the person possesses part of a face. not to be faceist but i need a whole face
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

so i was like "okay cool this guy seems interesting let's meet"
he suggested dinner
at SIX PM
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

(at this point you may be wondering what he had listed his age as.
he hadn't
I KNOW
but there were a lot of blank spaces in his profile)
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

i walk in and spend ten minutes unwinding my scarf/taking off the 45 layers of outside clothes you need in Boston in January
i look around
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

i get a coffee and wait
5 minutes pass
10 minutes
then, TO MY EVERLASTING HORROR-THE PILE OF COATS MOVES
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

This is where it starts getting good.

we are not talking old like your dad. we are not talking old like George Clooney. we are not talking old like "doesn't get memes" old
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

IT IS HARD TO PLACE AN AGE ON HIM BUT MY CONSERVATIVE ESTIMATE WOULD BE, 79
*remembers Donald Trump is 70*
NO, 89
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

"coffee keeps me up at night" OKAY MAN

anyway, he starts talking about travelling
i wanted to ask him what Vietnam was like in 1950
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

he gives me the most innocuous answer you can give anyone "i'm writing a book & i wanted to put something in about social media these days"
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

NBD right? anyway it's now 7 o clock and dude is like "i had better get going"
i was all solicitous like "of course! be careful out there"
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

And this is where things start taking a turn for the worse.

he says "i live two blocks down and i dont really use my dick a lot but the women have told me they prefer my mouth"

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

i mean i know i did SOMEthing - laughed in a high pitch? excused myself? PAID FOR THE TEA, EVEN?- but we will never know what it was
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

I went home, took a bath, and deleted my Okcupid account -FIN
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

Some people understandably had doubts about the story, but Elias assured them it was all true.

@j3fk exactly. i could have made up a WAY better story than this one. this story is inferior bc it's the truth
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

@j3fk mate it was an unfinished profile. also i didn't change his age. i was exaggerating at the beginning when i said 98 or w/e, like he wasn't
— CAT GRANDMA (@priya_ebooks) May 10, 2017

Others were terrified.

@priya_ebooks nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
— shrill 🇺🇸🌲🏀 (@theshrillest) May 10, 2017