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Twitter Imagines What Would Happen If Moms Wrote Tinder Bios

12 months ago

I almost never tell my parents about my dating life. Mostly because when I do, they don't believe me. A while back I offhandedly mentioned that I met someone at a bar and we spent nearly an hour talking about meat and guns, and my folks accused me of lying. 

Maybe it was because they think that no two Brooklynites would ever talk about meat and guns, but more likely they refuse to believe that I would be brave enough to talk to anyone in a bar. Here's the thing though, she was the one to break the ice. 

Needless to say, I'm curious to see how my parents would write my dating bio. I'm leaning towards, "This isn't real. None of this is real."

Eh, I guess that could work. 

How do you swipe?
Please get her out of my house...
So you're saying she is an expensive date?
Let us pray.
I don't care if he's married!
Well, this wasn't helpful.
How about a phone date?
Now she knows what pitfalls to avoid...
Weird how they know that...
Yup. That's what it is.
I can't tell how accurate this is.
So this is a good thing then?
A good boy, but not a dog.
This does not make me want to swipe right.
Good enough.
What a catch!
Just imagine what he'll wear to your date!
Swipe right if you're also on drugs?