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Source: hemdale film corporation

All of the Nic Cage Netflix Movies You Should Definitely Stay Away From

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Nicolas Cage is one of my favorite actors, which might be a confusing statement from anyone who's judging his talent from the current crop of straight-to-streaming titles starring the Oscar-winning actor on Netflix.

First off: the man decides to go and change his name from Nicolas Coppola — yes that Coppola — so he could get by on just his talent in Hollywood. I'm sure people still knew who he was, but it's a cool move nonetheless, especially because he named himself after then-obscure Marvel hero Luke Cage.

I also love him because his career's been through a crazy number of ups and downs. There was a time when you needed Nic Cage in your action film if you wanted it to make any money. He won an Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas and earned another nomination for Adaptation where he played two roles, acted opposite Meryl Streep and held his own. 

But then there's the other reason I love him: his horrible, horrible films. Films that someone with his cinema "pedigree" should have no business touching. Films that give straight-to-Netflix a bad name. Films that you'd find in the bottom barrel of a hidden barrel at a Wal-Mart bargain bin.

You might ask why such a commercially successful actor would do all of these movies. It doesn't hurt that Cage loves acting and said as much in his Leaving Las Vegas Oscar acceptance speech, but the man also needs money. He spends a lot, and items like fossilized dinosaur eggs and gas for his Ferrari Enzo don't come cheap. And the result is unwatchable movies like these.

'Bangkok Dangerous': 8 Percent Critics, 26 Percent Audience

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Source: lionsgate films

All right, so this actually had a theatrical release, but it shouldn't have. It's a senseless remake of a foreign film that was pretty good, Cage's Bangkok Dangerous is a profoundly boring mess that ends with Cage needlessly killing himself, but it's set up to be this huge dramatic event. The easy joke to make is, "how appropriate, because I felt like blowing my brains out after watching this," but honestly, the movie's just so profoundly boring I'm indifferent to it.

Also, I just wanna say that I'm only listing the Rotten Tomatoes score here for reference. My distrust of the site was solidified when I saw Drive with a 51 percent score online, then, when one high-profile critic praised how it was a brilliant example of "minimalist filmmaking" everyone else started claiming it a masterpiece. That movie now sits at a 92 percent critic's score.