When I was 13 years old I went to this shop in that sold little knick-knacks on the first floor. The second floor was off limits to anyone younger than 18. I had a pretty good idea of what was up there, but I still wanted to check it out if for no other reason than it was off limits.
So I did what any other 13 year old would do in that situation. I patiently waited five years and then returned to that store. I then triumphantly walked upstairs knowing nothing could stop me.
I'd like to tell you what was up there, but I blocked it out. I then stumbled my way downstairs, and ran out.
The lesson I learned here is to never chase your dreams, because at least in my experience, the world is too scary of a place for that.
Unless you want to work in a sex shop. Then the world is your oyster!
But in all seriousness: There is nothing wrong with working, or visiting, an adult store. If you're curious about some of the funniest and strangest experiences people have had while visiting them, you should definitely peruse what people share in this viral AskReddit thread, and check out our highlights, below.
More or less what I expected
I had a customer passed out from some drugs on the shift before mine and my coworkers forgot he was in the arcade. Later that night while I was working and watching slasher movies to pass the time I heard a noise in the arcade. No one has come in for three hours at this point. I'm freaked but I have to go check it out. I go into the arcade with my flashlight, and yell "anybody back here". Out jumps this crackhead butt naked and screaming. He runs past me through the fire exit and into the night. I later found a crack pipe a wallet with some cash and his clothes. Scared me like no other time in my life.
What a sweet gift.
I worked in a crummy video store that was probably a tax dodge... Our main moneymakers was the children's section and then, a distant second, the adult DVDs. This was mainly supported by one old guy who would shuffle in and rent the same DVD week after week, year after year. At least two or three hundred rentals; the system didn't keep logs as far back as this guy had been renting the exact. same. porn DVD.
He could have easily bought it a hundred times over, or stolen it long ago (we wouldn't have cared at all) and finally the store is closing. The managers like "Your last paychecks are 99.9% gonna bounce, so steal whatever you want now"
Us, being nice, finally offer this gentleman the DVD to take home and keep. He refuses over and over till finally the manager writes him a letter "rewarding him a free permanent rental due to his patronage" or some such. He cried.
Best show they ever put on
Just after I got out of the Army, in the late 70s, I worked at an adult theater running the projector, doing the lighting for the strippers, cleaning, and fixing shit. For the record, the sound system was the bomb, for the day, and there was nothing as grand as cranking up Dark Side of the Moon, after hours, and tripping out while cleaning the place up.
Anyway, aside from your usual run-of-the-mill creeps and weirdos, like the guy who would leave a used, green, condom in the middle of the aisle every Tuesday night, or the stripper who would fill her whoha with whipped cream and ping pong balls to launch into the front rows, it was not uncommon to have couples come in and get frisky. Almost always in the back rows. From the projection both, you could see them clear as day (most probably had no idea, others were likely hoping to get caught).
So, they hire this new kid and I'm teaching him how the projection booth works. It doesn't take him long to realize he can see what's going on in the theater and he takes to spending most of his "free" time sitting in the window where the spot lights are for the strippers.
His third or fourth night there, a couple sits right under the window, gets naked and starts fucking. The kid spots them and takes his seat, then starts leaning out to get a better look... Fell right out the window. Funniest shit I ever saw.
Its like riding a bicycle.
A friend of mine used to work in one. One of his co-workers used to ride their bike to work and would often store it in one of the booths. They would clean these booths multiple times a day with gloves and bleach for obvious reasons. Well my friend went to clean the booth where the bike was stored and proceeded to grab the bike handle while kneeling down to clean the floor and his hand slipped off the handle. Some dude, who had just been there, lubed up the bike handle and was using it for some butt pleasure.
This'll show 'em.
I wouldn't call this a NSFW, but more so really really funny or it was to me at the time.
I worked at small video store back in college that had a family section down stairs, and an adult section upstairs, mostly videos, but as time went on we added to the adult section with toys and other interesting things. Well this store was about 5 miles down the road from a military base, so more often then not we had a lot of guys from the base who would frequent the store picking up a few videos and things usually a few one off guys by themselves then every once in a while a group of them would come in with a regular usually looked like new guys that had just gotten stationed there.
Well one night we had a few of these guys come in for a few movies nothing out of the ordinary, but more so just horsing around looking for some time to kill and things. They settle up with me at the register with a handful of movies and stuff and start up some general chit chat with me about how busy we usually were, was there a lot of folks that came in for that kind of stuff. My typical answer usually at the time oh yeah man all the time. One of them starts mouthing off about one of their superiors who they believe is probably a closet homosexual, just in his mannerisms, and other things they have noticed about the guy. Well as they were about to turn and leave. Guess who walked through the door. Yup you guessed it. They all just kind of stand still in shock, politely move out of the gentleman's way and then hustle out of the store as quickly as possible.
Guy goes upstairs for a few minutes comes back down, with a few videos, 2 normal run of your mill pornos and then one labeled "Big Black cocks vs small white guy holes". I for the most part unphased at the time cause i had seen it all, but more so cause i had seen this guy come in as a regular and typically knew that he mostly stuck to traditional heterosexual porn, but was kind of curious about the other video. Needless to say I look up and get ready to ask this guy (really big black guy huge ripped upper body, reminds me of if Terry Crews and Ving Rhames had a love child, but guy is a super cool nice guys), and he has the biggest shit eating grin on his face and said to me..."Let's see if I can have a little bit of fun screwing with those guys tonight"
I lost it! A few days later he comes back and tells me left the video sitting out in plain site for anyone to see later that night, and has now had the time of his life intimidating his new guys. Tells me they all got super jumpy anytime they would be at attention and he would walk up behind them and talked to them in their ears.
Apparently he told some of his officers about what he did, and now they are all in on the joke, and running with it. Made my week.
I would not want to eat in one of these stores.
People jerking off in the rentals room, people returning tapes smeared with lube and God knows what else, but my all time favorite was when I ordered Chinese food delivered there, and this sweet little old Asian man delivered it. He had never been in a porn shop before, and was like a kid in a candy store. He was asking what everything was and how it worked, and there was lots of laughter till we got to the dildo wall and he suddenly got furious. He pointed at this super small realistic dildo, think size of a finger, and he starts yelling angrily, "WHAT IS THIS?!?" I immediately took it to a racial place in my mind, thinking he thought it was an Asian dildo, but then he yells, "You sell dildos for children?!?" I laughed and explained that men and women just have many strange tastes for dildos, but that we only sell to adults. Awkward.
Just go back in time and fix them
A friend in college worked at an adult book store (late 90s, early 00s.) They had a rash of people renting XXX VHS tapes, recording over them with Back to the Future, and returning them. Lots of pissed off renters coming back with tapes adulterated to be un-adult-rated.
What a pick up line.
I worked part-time in this video rental store that had porno flicks.
The store was set up in a way that the children's movies were at the front, where you can see them from the street. Kids could even come in - the porno stuff was around a corner, 180° through a door. And you had to get past me first.
Well, this also means that I do not have total view of the porno racks at all times, not even when I'm at the counter (which you have to pass to get there).
There was a guy who would come in and jizz on the covers of DVDs, then put them back in the shelf. But not up front, so you could see there was jizz on it - he always put them in second, or three deep, so you could only "discover" the jizz trap by sorting through them.
Fucker was eventually caught. God, I so wish I could have been witness to that, but it wasn't my shift.
Most clichée thing about it: He wore a brown trenchcoat most of the time he came in. Closed up the front, like an exhibitionist from the movies.
Oh, and the girl working there (18 and still in school) was shown a dick pic on a phone. The guy asked her if they had any porno with "dicks like this". It was his own dick, sticking out of his own pants, with his shoes and his shirt - all of which he was currently wearing - on the photo.
That is the perfect name.
I have two stories from when I worked at a porn store in college.
I was an avid reader, so I would bring books and comics in to read during the midnight shift (this was a 24-hour store). One time I was reading Shirley Jackson's "The Haunting of Hill House" when some guy came in and asked what I was reading. He looked at the cover, said "That's weird," and went back to browsing dildos at midnight.
Now where I live there are weird laws about adult stores, one of which is that you can't have an adult store. You can only have "clubs" that sell adult items. So we got around this by selling a 50-cent membership card. I had a guy come in and give me a really hard time about the membership card because he didn't have one. I threatened to call the police and have him removed so he relented. After he got his card he commented, "I bet you think all of us gay guys are just after sex all the time." I thought it was weird; I hadn't said anything about his sexual orientation, nor about any other customer's. I replied, "I don't know about all gay guys, but it's 3 a.m. and you're in a porn store, soooo....."
The funniest sale I ever made was to a young couple, guy and girl. They browsed for a while then came up to the counter with a double-ended dildo thicker than my arm. It was expensive, too. I remember the guy looked really excited my be making the purchase while the woman... not so much. when the day shift guy who had worked there for years came in, he took one look around the store and said, 'Holy shit. You sold the behemoth?"
What are dildos made out of? Titanium?
I remember a buddy of mine who went in to a sex shop with a pair of calipers on hand to measure out the diameter of dildos. Mainly because he planned on using them as projectiles for his grenade launcher during airsoft games. Best part is he told the lady at the counter his intentions for the dildo. She said that launching them will hurt like hell, he didn't believe it because he thought that can be changed by adjusting the co2 pressure of the grenade shell.
Let's just say after some extensive testing (ie. shooting each other with it at different psi), we found out that getting hit by a dildo will knock you off your feet and break a windshield of a car.
What a career!
Christ! Where to start. I worked at the same chain of adult stores in multiple locations over the course of 4 years. 2.5 years as a clerk. 6 months assistant managing. And 1 year managing my own location. I've seen some shit. Here are the TL;DRs:
In one of the preview booths i once found a full fishnet body suit, a dildo the size of my arm and nipple clamps. We don't allow anyone to take items with them in there.
Caught an old man sucking on a display.
Caught a woman who appeared to be on drugs diddling herself with a display. And was offended when I interrupted her and asked her to leave.
Papertowels covered in shit and blood.
A guy passed out fave down with his pants around his ankles and rubber balls protruding from his ass.
Edit: 6. There was a guy who bought a hard on pill and came back enraged that we sold him a fake. Demanding his money back.
Imagine, just for a moment, if she was telling the truth.
I worked at a store that sold "novelty" items. Our stores also had a large selection of toys and lingerie. One day we had a middle aged woman come in holding a plush rabbit wrapped up in a baby blanket. She was wearing a new Adidas track suit with a torn up robe over top of it. She came up to the counter and started telling us her husband owned the store, we were a corporation so obviously no single person owned our store. She walked back to the back and proceeded to pick out the largest vibrator we had, and wrapped it up in little baby bundle. My manager at the time saw this and walked to the front of the store to stop her while she was on her way out. We had a lot of theft and most of the time if we could just recover the merchandise we would let them go. She stopped her and asked for it back and the woman starts screaming about how her husband said it was okay to come in and take it, and that she needs that vibe to get her baby back. She told us her husband and his new mistress stole her eggs and made a child with them, and they needed that vibrator or else they wouldn't give the baby back. Needless to say we ended up having to call the cops and it was a big ordeal. When they arrested her and took her rabbit she mediately started crying and screaming they were taking her baby away and she would get us all because she knew what we were trying to do and because we supported the legalization of marijuana. We had a lot of things with pot plants on them in our store.
Always nice when the customer knows what they want.
My shining hour has arrived!
I was working the night shift at a adult store in the 90's. A rather large woman walks in and goes straight for the dildos and vibrators. We had samples glued to the wall for folks to feel and size up. We had a pretty wide variety, some of them rather large. After fondling the large size dildos with names like "BAM" and "BIG Haus" she comes up to the counter and asks rather politely if we had anything bigger. Internally, I'm like WHAT THE ACTUAL F--K, some of those things are as big or bigger than a babies head. I then sudden remember the "Mr. Big Head" we have in the back. A toy we had had on the wall for about a year and never even had a sniff at. We were about to send it back for a refund. This thing was insane. Like the rim of a Big Gulp cup big. I hand it to her. She slaps this massive vaguely dick shaped lump of plastic and silicone in her hand a couple of times....then smiles and giggles a bit. She says and I will never forget this, "Yeah....this will do great." She then hands me like three hundred bucks and walks out. I swear she had a spring in her step.
Have to make sure they fit
Not me but someone I knew who worked at a sex shop. One day a lady came in and asked to see the Ben Wa Balls (basically metal balls that you put up the vagina). They were in a counter and so he put them on top of the counter, she throws her leg up and puts one right in.
That is one smart peep girl
One afternoon I saw a fistfight in an adult cinema.
My local porno store had a small cinema out the back. I was a little drunk so I paid my five bucks and in I went.
The place reeked of cum and disinfectant.
I walked in right as the fight was breaking out.
A couple in their mid 40's had decided to fuck in the cinema. When all the dudes in the cinema gathered round to watch, the husband didn't like the close attention.
He started shoving the nearest guy and they threw a few punches at each other as his wife yelled at them.
The guy behind the counter came in and calmed things down.
The couple left, and one of the peep show girls told the husband off: "If you fuck in an adult cinema OF COURSE people are gonna want to watch!".
The funniest part though, one guy in the cinema didn't stop beating off throughout the whole ordeal lol.
It was an explosion of pleasure
It was about 430am, I was tired.I tilted my chair back and rested my head on the shelves. I would just rest my eyes a bit. No, of course I wouldn't sleep. There was no one in the store. Just when I started to drift off to dream land,I hear a loud BANG! My mind is trying to think of what could have made that huge noise, I open my eyes to see every dildo in the store FLYING IN THE AIR! So, a pick up truck had slid through the intersection and slammed into the outside wall of the shop, the wall on which racks and racks of dildos. I have never been more befuddles than in the first seconds after I opened my eyes. That's my favorite story. There are far many more gross ones.
Not me but my brother owns an adult store and he told me this story.
Older lady comes in and tries to return a remote control vibrator saying it doesn't work. My brother, after putting on latex gloves, grabs the remote control and puts new batteries in it. With the fresh batteries installed my brother presses the "go" button and instantly the older woman lets out a moan and says, in what my brother called a old smokers voice, "oh yah it's working now!!!".
I don't know what could be grosser
I worked as a book mender in a university library, not an adult store, but we did have a generous selection of books on Photography and many of them featured nudes. I regularly received books that had to be repaired (replaced) because the pages were all stuck together with cum. The thing is - the books had not been checked out. Dudes were either fapping off in the stacks or taking the books to the bathroom, ruining them, and then returning them to the shelves for others to enjoy. Definitely the grossest part of an otherwise interesting job.
I'm going to guess the number is all of them
I have been flashed MANY penises. And you'd be surprised at how many men stroke themselves through their pants while browsing.
But all the fun and gross stories come from our "video arcade". That's code for "glory hole haven".
What a fun day at work
Found during a stock take a double ended penis pump, which was pretty weird.
Had a customer come in, I asked if I could help and he said 'No thanks, I don't speak any English. I'm just here to get something for my brother'. He grabbed the most expensive replica pussy there was and paid cash - about $700.
Had two Irish guys come in first thing in the morning. They'd been out all night and my shop was the first place to open. They looked around for a bit then one of them said 'Hey, you got somewhere here we can rack up some lines of speed?'. I was about to point them to the toilet when his mate punched him in the arm and said 'You don't be so fucking rude. You ask the man if he'd like to have some speed with us!'. Closed up the shop, turned the security camera off and they racked up some lines on the counter.
Well, as long as you are happy
On my first day, I watched a young dude return a used metal cock cage because the urethral sound didn't fit in the cage properly, and made him bleed. My coworker then slapped gloves on, and started trying to reassemble it to troubleshoot.
A couple once left their young children in a car alone to come shop. One of the toddlers ran into the store (which is illegal: no minors on the premises), yelling for his daddy. They were asked to escort their child out.
I've also had customers offer me drugs on the job.
I regret nothing about getting into this field.
You're doing God's work
Former Strip club manager/ dildo salesman extrodinaire here. We had video booths and a theater as well as a full toy and video store attached to our club. I had just started at the club as a cleaner. This was around 11pm on a Friday night. I had to do hourly checks of the booths to keep them clean and sanitary. I walk down the hallway and an older guy goes into a booth and I hear a buzzing start to come from it. This was not unusual. I get my supplies, start to clean, and make my way back down the hallway. Lo and behold the door to the booth is open and the lube covered vibrator is sitting on the floor still buzzing the fuck away. I go back to the supply room to grab the dustpan and reevaluate my life choices, come back to the booth and the fucking vibrator is gone. Good news for me. The guy forgot his toy and came back to grab it. I continue my cleaning and I hear the buzzing again. Now I'm thinking either we had two people in a row grab themselves a vibrator or my horny customer decided a change of booths for some reason. I'm all done except for this one booth at this point. I figure I'll clean the bathroom, and then come back to that last booth. I do my cleaning thing, walk out and there's a different fucking guy coming out the booth I heard the buzzing coming from. I stop for a minute as this guy walks out. My man saw a used vibrator on the motherfucking nasty cum stained floor of a jerk off booth, and decided it would be a great idea to take it and fuck himself with it. I can't decide whether I want to cry or throw up or both. I do what a true professional does; Make sure my fucking gloves are on tight and go to clean this goddamn booth before I go eat a bullet. I open the door and there it is. The fucking vibrator once again sitting on the floor.
The theater was just a cesspool of filth and depravity. The worst was a guy we named priest, because he was a fucking CATHOLIC PRIEST, who would bring a prostitute with him every couple weeks, and watch while every guy who was willing fucked the stuffing out of her for a few hours before leaving with her. That theater was my own personal hell.
Totally absurd is right
I have a friend that works at a sex shop. One of the chillest people I know, he's told us lots of stories. He frequently takes pictures of the weird stock they get in and shows it to us as well as the dumb names of the movies they get in. The story that stood out the most was when he told us a couple came in. It was a guy at least 6 foot 5, and a little girl in a sundress(of age, just small) no bigger than 4 foot 10. They apparently asked for the largest dildo in stock, bought it and left. It was like 14 or 16 inches. Totally absurd.
At least they have each other
Mine is NSFW in two ways!
Some guy tried to return a used vibrator. We did not take returns because... well come on, do you want a refurbished vibrator? Ugh. Anyway, this guy started screaming at my manager over a $30 vibrator that his wife broke with her vagina and he wanted another one without paying for it.
When my manager explained to him we don't take returns and would need him to pay for the new one, he threw the used vibrator at my managers head (which she managed to duck), grabbed the new vibe and booked it to the door.
My manager did the dumb thing and followed the guy out of the store, while angrily yelling to the police on the phone. She planned to get the guy's license plate number to report him.
He ended up trapping her in the front lobby by blocking the door with his foot, while she is still reporting his description to the police. He then proceeded to grab her by the throat, throw her against the glass, grab and twist her breasts, then run out of the store, with his new vibrator.
...To where his wife was in the car, watching the whole thing, and screaming for him to get in so they could go.
Okay. This is actually pretty clever.
I have to use the classic not me, but an ex girlfriend.
She worked at a sex store that also had a large video rental section. There used to be this Asian guy who would show up, pick up movies, bring to counter, and then in broken engrish would ask the staff what the words were.
Turned out he spoke perfect English and just got off on the girls saying dirty words.
Well, there you have it!
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