29 Ryan Reynolds Parenting Tweets That Are Hilariously Dark
By Mustafa GatollariThere's a reason why Ryan Reynolds absolutely crushes it as Deadpool - it's because he gets to fully unleash the sarcastic, off-the-wall, strange, and hilarious person he's clearly capable of being.
Obviously actors aren't exactly who they portray on camera, but their individual fingerprint definitely makes an impact. When it comes to playing the characters that we love Reynolds for, he does a pretty amazing job.
The thing is though, those beloved character traits he has don't just stop on-camera, they carry on into his personal life. Obviously they're adjusted for different situations, but they're still there. Just look at his tweets on parenting and tell me I'm wrong.
1. Whether it's taking his baby to trippy music festivals.
Damn it's hard letting your infant daughter go somewhere alone for the first time. I was a total mess dropping her off at Burning Man.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 7, 2016
2. Or joking about the lengths he would go to to make sure his baby girl is safe.
I'd walk through fire for my daughter. Well not FIRE, because it's dangerous. But a super humid room. But not too humid, because my hair.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 11, 2015
3. His humor may come off as a bit shocking. I mean, joking about your child fighting grown men?
Proud of my baby daughter placing last in her old-timey, bare-knuckle street fighting class. Congrats to her 31 year old opponent, Rick.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 7, 2016
4. It's refreshing to see that he doesn't put on airs when discussing being a parent.
Nothing better than the simple joys of finding 5 bucks in an old pair of pants, or discovering my wife and I had a second daughter over a year ago.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 24, 2018
5. And that could be for a variety of reasons.
Being a father is the single greatest feeling on earth. Not including those wonderful years I spent without a child, of course.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 22, 2016
6. I mean yes, being a parent is magical, the feeling you get when you look into your child's eyes is wonderful.
On our 6am walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it's in heaven, visiting daddy's freedom.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 16, 2016
7. But like most amazing and majestic things, explaining the beauty of parenthood doesn't do it justice.
The mobile above my daughter's crib is just a whole bunch of NuvaRings. So she remembers how lucky she is.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 20, 2016
8. In fact, it kind of cheapens it.
Put the baby down in her crib tonight. She scrunched her nose so cute, giggled, then turned into thousands of bats.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 10, 2016
9. There's a reason you can laugh at Ryan's tweets, it's because there's an acknowledgment that being a father is tough and kids are sometimes little nightmare balls of anxiety and frustration.
Tinder isn't a babysitting app. Apologies to Crystal and Janine for the misunderstanding.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 19, 2016
10. So having a sense of humor about the whole thing just seems way healthier. Because, what are you trying to prove?
My daughter loves being buried up to her neck in sand at the beach. Her little face lights up when I come back to get her the next day.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) July 16, 2017
11. It's like those couples on Instagram who are CONSTANTLY telling everyone how in love they are. You don't need to convince us, people, unless...you're just trying to convince yourselves?
My kids tried to surprise me for my birthday this morning. I totally heard them coming and snuck out to start a new life somewhere else.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 23, 2017
12. But if you can laugh about the uglier parts of life, well, that shows true commitment.
Siri just read this out loud to my daughters. Happy Thanksgiving. https://t.co/X5IBjPWuqp
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 23, 2017
13. Plus, making jokes about taboo things like having a secret side family are hilarious.
Being a father means responsibility. Not just for your main family, but also the secret one in Denmark nobody knows about.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 19, 2016
14. I don't know why dark humor is so satisfying - it just is.
My daughter gets so pumped watching Disney films. She loves that they all have singing, dancing and a part when the parents die.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 4, 2017
15. Like a punchline that ends with a disappointed child.
Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 30, 2017
16. Or joking about a kid's long road ahead.
It's important kids eat 5 servings of vegetables daily. Even if childhood is just a dress-rehearsal for extraordinary adult suffering.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 29, 2016
17. What parent hasn't experienced this trauma?
I watched Frozen without my two year old this morning. Despair reveals itself in many forms.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 9, 2016
18. This awful/amazing bit of parental advice.
Healthy Parenting Tip No. 34: Get the child into showbiz as soon as possible.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 1, 2016
19. The highest highs and the lowest lows.
No matter which kids book I read to my screaming baby on an airplane, the moral of the story is always something about a vasectomy.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 7, 2016
20. Or else they won't listen.
I'm writing a children's book in "all caps" so people know to yell.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) May 13, 2016
21. It could always be worse, right?
What's better than a 12 hour drive with a screaming 1 year old? Not including hepatitis.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 2, 2016
22. Kids love playing with keys, right?
Totally caved and tossed my daughter the keys to the car. She looked really happy as they bounced off her tiny infant face.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 12, 2016
23. Having kids is about compromises.
Happy birthday to my baby girl! Sad I lost my virginity. But thankful I have a daughter.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) December 16, 2015
24. "What'd I miss?"
Tip: It's important parents take little "time outs" for themselves too. Even if you feel pretty guilty when you return 14 years later.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) May 3, 2016
25. Raising them right.
After this morning's diaper, my daughter finally earned the teardrop tattoo on her face.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) June 14, 2016
26. I smell a new member of the Wiggles...
Love writing nursery rhymes for my daughter. Her favorites are, "Sunshine-Cuddle-Time!" and "Everyone You Know Will Eventually Die."
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 11, 2015
27. What a great dad, getting his kid ready for the world of modern dating.
Surprisingly easy to teach a baby to swipe right.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 16, 2015
28. We've all felt like this.
Nothing better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughter's eyes, whispering, "I can't do this".
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 26, 2015
29. The man owns the fact that he's a perfect parent.
Nah. Nailed it. https://t.co/es6VTCv4cF
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 8, 2016
Nothing wrong with admitting when you've got the goods.
More from Distractify:
Woman Tries to Lowball a Wedding Caterer for a 200-Person Wedding, Gets Promptly Shut Down
13 Hilarious Engagement Shoots for People Who Hate Engagements
More From Distractify
This Police Station Trolled People About a "Highly Addictive Substance" Pushed by Girl Scouts
25 Times People Definitely Regretted Their Online Purchases
People Share the Dumbest Fights Their Families Have Ever Gotten Into
In This Economy? Job Listings With Ridiculous Demands and Pay