A TikToker and new mom by the name of Boo (@stealth_revenger) thought she was getting a cute toy when she put together Fisher Price's "2-in-1 Like a Boss Activity Center" for her kid.
She must've not been paying too close attention to what kind of activity center the children's toy company put together for its customers, because once it was all compiled, she was shocked to learn she just exposed her child to "Baby's First Cubicle."
"So awhile ago I bought my baby one of those activity centers that they can stand in, and then once she's good at standing you can take the seat out and put another little activity thing on there and it's a whole activity center. I didn't pay attention to what I was buying. I don't know what they call it, but I call it baby's first cubicle," Boo says at the end of her video's introduction to the product.
She then dives into showing off exactly what she means by this by showing off the cubicle in question: "There's a computer," which is one of those little foil effect mirrors placed directly in front of the baby's little bouncer, along with some little tactile buttons in front of it for kids to slam with their chubby little hands and still developing fingers.
"Mouse," she says, flicking a rolling, ribbed contraption on another toy affixed to the bouncer that sort of resembles the type of mouse one would use while seated at a desk. She then grabs a clear-looking triangular container that's fixed with a bunch of small knick-knacks that appear to be plastic safety tacks for affixing documentation to a cloth wall or cork board: "Little uh, safety pins, paper clip."
Boo then shows off the toy "succulent" and "coffee cup" that are attached to the bouncer's base, along with a plastic cube that has a piece of white cloth jammed into it to represent a box of "tissues for when you need to cry because it's your first f------ cubicle," she says, lambasting the Fisher-Price product.
Behind the baby's bouncer seat is a "calendar" that's hanging from a small rod, followed by a rolling tape dispenser, and then a plastic holder for a toy cell phone that stands upright. Boo argues that the bouncer clearly isn't made for a "Boss Baby" because the cell phone doesn't look like it's designed to mimic a particularly expensive model, a point that she drives home by highlighting how another tab affixed to the bouncer has a sticker of a pair of wired headphones with it.
Boo continued to show off even more of the features of the toy: "And your post-it notes and then here's your computer...you get to push the buttons, listen to this," she says hitting one of the buttons.
Off camera, noise can be heard, and then a child's voice is talking: "Per my last email, let's pencil in some play time," Boo makes a face highlighting her dissatisfaction with what she just heard. Unfortunately, riffing on corporate culture permeates every aspect of the toy, including the next song that plays through the bouncer's speakers: "I can't wait for lunchtime / I'll eat something yummy / then I'll go back to work..." Boo growls, "nooo," in response to the track.
"Next button," she says, hitting another button by the laptop, "Let's circle back to that, I love circles," a kid can be heard saying. "I think corporate Aaron loves circle too.
After that, what sounds like a phone ring starts playing over the device: "And it just randomly rings. Like you don't push anything and it rings..."
She continues to show off even more of the sound bytes featured on the toy: the next one contains a little flourish of a noise before the same child's voice says, "Whoops, I was on mute!" Boo laughs before lamenting, "noooo."
The TikToker appears to hit another button, and it sounds like someone's dialing a phone number, and then a familiar waiting room theme can be heard, "We got put on hold," Boo exclaims in disbelief, before "another song," starts playing after a quick cut in the video. The child can be heard saying, "I work from home. I wish I was on vacation I'll pretend I'm at the Beach Channel use my imagination."
The kid goes on to croon: "Imaginaaaation, Imaginaaaation," before Boo comically corrects the song with some lyrics of her own: "Indoctrination, indoctrination," as the kid continues to croon about using their mind to imagine they are somewhere else.
The "last button" she presses also sounds like a phone call ringing, and a child pops up over the speaker, sighing, and they ask, "Is it 5 o'clock yet?"
She caps off the video by stating the child's voice on the bouncy toy just informed her that she has a "new message" but she's "not checking it, ever."
Folks who responded to Boo's video seemed to share a collective sense of horror, wonderment, and hopelessness. Of course, there were also a lot of jokes about being a baby working in corporate America, too.
"But how did you not know this was what it was?"
"who can afford a full tummy? in this economy?"
"Someone at Fischer Price literally just looked around them and built a toy."
"This is a cry for help. Someone check on the fisher price office workers They are NOT okay"
"when jobs are 'entry level' but require 20 years experience"
"This is the real dystopia. Sweet lord."
"When gen z is refusing corporate life so they’re trying to get gen alpha early"
"This is DARK. Hilarious, but DARK."