People Are Sharing Their "Florida Man" Horoscopes and They're Hilarious



The legend of "Florida Man" continues to grow. As each new absurd headline comes out of the Sunshine State, the mythos of this esoteric figure — capable of crimes that are simultaneously horrifying and hilarious — reaches new heights.

"Florida Man" has become such a cultural phenomenon that mainstream TV series have done bits on him, sketch comedy shows have dedicated entire segments to him, and people have even shot movie trailers for the omnipresent figure.

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He seems to be the most popular on the internet, where morbid fascinations with the strange and astoundingly weird thrive. It's only natural "Florida Man" became, not just a meme, but also a source of solid clicks for media outlets. Heck, there's probably a mini "Florida Man" economy on the internet with tons of different people getting a piece of that pie.

Since it looks like there's no end in sight to the disturbing "Florida Man" headlines from America's favorite swamp, we might as well have as much fun with it as possible. Which is probably how this wonderful Florida Man zodiac game got started. 

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No one knows who actually started the game, but the rules are simple enough: Just google the term "Florida Man" and then the month and day of your birth (year is unnecessary). The news story or stories that pop up in the results are what  defines your personality type, instead of some dumb stars in the sky that have probably never tried sneaking into Disney World. How could they ever know you like a man who was arrested for throwing a cookie at his girlfriend could? Or a dude who threatened to "kill someone with kindness" and then approached them with his machete, which he had named "Kindness."

Classic Florida Man.

Here are my FM horoscopes.

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O.M.G. These are, like, so on point — I'm totally like this, it's wild.

It didn't take long for the trend to catch on and people started sharing some very wonderful Florida Man headlines that ran the gamut from absolutely abominable to super funny.

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From flashing people who most probably didn't want to be flashed, to attacking people with tractors, there's a Florida Man headline for everybody.

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I actually expected a lot more iguana and reptile related posts than I've been seeing as I comb through people's results.

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In fact, if you're ever looking for something to do at a party, you can pretty much just pull up a smartphone and then have people Google their Florida Man horoscope. Boom: endless hours of conversation that will only be made better with booze.

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The thing about playing this "Florida Man" game is that you'll have a bunch of kooky stories about dudes stealing food or getting drunk and fighting a shopping cart and then, oh wait, someone's getting disemboweled with office supplies.

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Then there were some that just seemed like unjust arrests. Like this stripteasing dude was just trying to lighten the mood at a restaurant, and another who was just minding his own business on his own property

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The more and more you dig into Florida Man, however, the more you realize there's a headline for everybody. And I'm not just talking about birthdays, I'm talking about one that hits you to the core. One that perfectly captures who you are as a human being.

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Some of the Florida Man headlines, however, were pretty darn wholesome. Like this dude who pretended to be homeless and instead gifted $100 to whoever tried to help him out.

But it didn't take long for the Twitter thread to revert to its old Florida Man ways.

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Personally, I thought I'd come across a lot more crocodile/alligator related stories.

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