Something I learned after years of therapy is, having needs does not make me needy. If you express a need to someone in a healthy way and they refer to you as needy, it's time to hit that road and hit it good. For years I was afraid to tell someone something I knew would make me happy, for fear that I would look like a clingy mess. To be clear: I can be a mess, just not in that department. I love expressing a need and I love setting a boundary.
What happens when you do something like that, such as asking your partner for help, and they consistently disappoint you? Eventually, you learn not to trust them which makes looking to this person for assistance more of a curse than a blessing. I've seen this dynamic played out in my past which makes me more sympathetic to Carly, whose own husband can't complete a simple task even after she emailed him instructions. Is it weaponized incompetence, selfishness, or a combination of the two?
A woman shouldn't have to circle back with her husband.
Carly Ely, who goes by @motherhoodalchemy on Instagram, lodged a complaint about her husband and then neatly dropped it off on the popular app. It all started when she received a call from her son's school nurse who had a few questions. It should be noted that schools call moms more often than dads. Bummer!
Evidently Carly's son is saddled with an allergy so the school needed a parent to fill out a few forms and bring them an Epipen. Because she already had a growing list of things to do, Carly asked her husband to tackle the Epipen portion. She even typed up the instructions, such as where her husband can get the forms, and emailed them to him.
After waiting a few days, Carly decides to check on the status of the Epipen delivery. Surely it was all taken care of after she asked, relayed verbal instructions, and typed up the directions in email form.
"Oh, I haven't done it yet," says her husband. "Where do I get the form again?"
Carly's husband finally gets the form from the doctor, but that proved to be so exhausting that he had to wait another three days before getting the Epipen. The next obvious step is to take both the form and the Epipen to their son's school but clearly, Carly's husband felt they looked much better sitting on their kitchen counter.
Despite the fact that this child belongs to both Carly and her husband, the job of bringing a lifesaving items to their son's school still falls to Carly. The most annoying part is, her husband saw no problem with that. To him, that made perfect sense.
"This is why we're so p---ed off. This is why it's so hard to be chill," says Carly. "Even if we ask for help, we still have to do all the mental work."
As she so deftly points out, there is no option to delegate and relax. Carly still has to retain all of the information which ultimately isn't helpful.
Obviously, people had a lot to say in the comments, but one response in particular jumped out at Carly. Instagram user @kelly.ryan987 suggested the person at fault is actually Carly, not her husband. You see, it's clear to Kelly that the issue here is Carly's impossibly high standards. She wants everything done and leaves no room for mistakes.
Clearly, Kelly could not be more wrong so Carly addressed her in a follow-up video. Carly says that she doesn't care how something gets done. The problem is, it's not getting done full stop, so she still has to check in and follow up as if her husband is a coworker. "Hi it's me, your wife, just nudging you about that task we discussed. Let me know if you have any questions!"
This is legitimately a frustrating and somewhat depressing scenario because Carly is right, she did the thing people tell you to do and it didn't work. She asked for help and still had to put in work. Not to sound dramatic, but I would pull the rip chord on this relationship and let that man fall down on his own.