"Asking My In-Laws to Prepay for Their Funerals?" — Woman’s Post About End of Life Costs Sparks Debate

The Reddit “Am I the a--hole?” sub is an appropriately named forum, where folks seek brutal honesty to personal quandaries and gauge whether or not they're in the right or wrong. And a recent poster to the popular

Recently, a Redditor named Icy_Target_9050 was the latest to put their family scenario up for scrutiny by asking if she was a bad person for encouraging her in-laws to prepay their own funerals.

Her post, which was upvoted over 2,200 times and sparked thousands of comments, laid out the situation: her husband’s parents live rent-free in their home. Furthermore, she added that it isn't like the older couple doesn't have some money to spend, either.

She shared that her father-in-law has an affinity for gambling and takes his Social Security checks to the casino.

The Redditor went on to state that her mother-in-law is currently in charge of the couple's finances. While assessing their financial situation, the MIL remarked that her husband's bank balance has priced them out of being able to receive medicaid.

This prompted OP to muse over the best ways for the couple to spend their cash so they wouldn't lose their health coverage.

This led OP to make a few suggestions. First, she recommended that they cover the cost of their own cell phone bills. She also opines that they may want to consider putting down payments on their end-of-life expenditures, too.

"I told her she could pay their cell phone bill…or meet with a funeral director and start planning for their funerals, because it would be considerate to us.”

The macabre recommendation was one, OP explains, that was rooted in her own familial experience. OP remarked that her own grandmother had done the same and that her Grandma's surviving family members "enjoyed a lovely luncheon at a restaurant afterward."

OP's own daughter thought that the recommendation was a “mean” one, and she asked other Reddit users on the application what they had thought about the suggestion.

The topic struck seemed to have a nerve with other users on the website, with many commenters sharing personal stories that showed just how emotional and financially stressful end-of-life planning can be.

As it turns out, there were other folks who, like OP, had family members who took it upon themselves to ensure that their funerals were covered beforehand.

One person wrote, "I had one relative who did pre-plan it (and pay for it all), and I am so grateful. I would not have been able to do it." Someone else, who also had a departed loved one pre-plan their own funeral, showed the pitfalls of orchestrating their end-of-life ceremonies too far in advance.

They said: "I had one relative who did pre-plan it (and pay for it all), and I am so grateful. I would not have been able to do it."

But there were others who seemingly had a more positive (considering the circumstances) outlook on the situation: "My Dad died unexpectedly at 46. Because of that, my Mom prepaid for her funeral. When she died at 87, we had enough money for the works… some people walked into the restaurant and asked if it was a wedding," they wrote.

Another person appeared to agree with OP, stating that they weren't interested in losing any of their money to help pay for their in-laws funeral. "I just made my FIL get his stuff in a trust…I worked my whole life to get where I am. I wasn’t going to take a hit on my finances to pay for someone’s funeral when they ‘figured it would all work out.’”

So OP isn’t alone in questioning inherited norms; however, the practice of children assuming financial responsibility for the funerals of older family members is quite a common practice.

But cultural norms have shifted over time and there are many financial traditions that Gen Z's declining to shoulder the burden of.

Like getting married later in life (or not at all) or splitting wedding and housing costs evenly, younger generations are shifting toward clearer financial boundaries and mutual responsibility.

And due to the rising costs of funeral expenditures, it's not difficult to understand why. According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average cost of one is around $8,000.

Couple that with inflation skyrocketing between 2021-2024 and the fact that 57% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, and it's no wonder you've got so many Redditors in the comments section of OP's post advocating for older folks to put aside their own money to pay for the day that they eventually die.

How do you think OP should've handled the situation? Should they have told their in-laws to officially pay them rent, and then cover whatever taxes are associated with that expenditure, and then they just give them that money back, so they could avoid losing their healthcare benefits?

Or maybe they could've instructed OP to invest some appreciating assets instead of outright telling them to fork over their money to a funeral service to avoid forcing them to face their own mortality? Do you think it's wrong to tell someone that you're worried about having to cover the cost of their deaths?

Or does pragmatism win in this scenario?