Donald Trump And The GOP As A Terrible 'Dungeons And Dragons' Team Is Hilariously Accurate
By Mark PygasJudging by their failed attempt to repeal Obamacare, and their two failed attempts at a travel ban on several Muslim-majority countries, it doesn't look like President Trump and the GOP are going to be able to get many of their campaign promises put into action.
They face fierce resistance from Democrats, and the Republican party itself is largely fractured between moderates and members of the Tea Party. In fact, they're in such a mess that it reminded Twitter users of a terrible Dungeons and Dragons group. The resulting #GOPDnD hashtag was hilarious.
DM: The Obamacare Dragon steps from the cave.
— Douglas Eboch (@dougeboch) March 25, 2017
GOP: I slay it.
*rolls a 3*
DM: A miss.
GOP: I give up.
DM: The dragon saves the town.#GOPDnD
DM:"The dragon rests on a hoard of gold."
— Snowb0und 🧀❄️✊️ (@existentialnick) March 17, 2017
PC:"We gather the town's wealth and add it in. The dragon will surely create jobs now."#GOPdnd
GOP: You were hit for 45 points of damage
— Kevin Boyd (@Kevin_Boyd_) March 21, 2017
Player: I use my potion of healing
GOP: It doesn't work, this is a preexisting condition #GOPdnd
GOP: The healing potion is 5,000 gold pieces.
— Political Hax (@SClayton891) March 20, 2017
PC: But we don't have that much gold.
GOP: No, but you have ACCESS to health potions.#GOPDnD
PC:I cast fireball! It'll be huge, biggest ever!
— Quinten Lee (@Quinten_Lee) March 25, 2017
DM:You're 1st lvl you can't cast fireball.
PC:I never said I was casting fireball.#GOPDnD
Party: We want to buy healing potions.
— Tony Beeman (@tinybeeman) March 23, 2017
GM: Okay, 50g for men, 150g for women.
Party: ?
GM: Women need a scroll from their cleric.
#GOPdnd
DM: Which monster do you fight? Pollution, Terrorism, Nuclear Weapons?
— David M. Perry (@Lollardfish) March 26, 2017
GOP: Pregnant poor women.
DM: You swing and miss and die. #GOPDnD
DM: You see a dragon you've wanted to slay for 7 yrs
— Shaun Jex (@shaunmjex) March 26, 2017
GOP: I rush in & attack blindly
DM: You're devoured.
GOP: All part of the plan #GOPDnD
DM:You fall asleep on watch and the town is attacked by Orcs
— Chance Phoenix (@Siege_Musings) March 26, 2017
PC:I blame elves
DM:(rolls a 1) The townsfolk inexplicably believe you #GOPDnD
GOP: I cast Repeal at ACA.
— The History of China (@thocpodcast) March 25, 2017
DM: For that 50th time, you have to wait until the barrier falls.
*barrier falls*
GOP: I forfeit my turn.#GOPDnD
DM: The Bards sing your evil deeds.
— TheRebellionIsLive (@Solo66) March 26, 2017
DT: Those are Fake Bards.
DM: They persist…
DT: I summon “Abyssal Propaganda.”
FOX: You called.#GOPDnD
DM: The party is on fire
— Douglas Eboch (@dougeboch) March 26, 2017
GOP: I pour oil on us
DM: 18 dmg
GOP: More oil
DM: 24 dmg
All: Stop pouring oil!
GOP: Prove oil causes fire#GOPDnD
GOP: I ban all elves from my realm
— Ashley Ross (@ashanneross) March 26, 2017
DM: You can't do that
GOP: Ok I ban the entry for all from their forests
DM:No
GOP: So-called DM#GOPDnD
DM: You've finally found the dragon. What do you do?
— Fix Democracy First (@PeterTWalsh) March 26, 2017
GOP: I cast Win.
DM: That's not a spell.
GOP: I go golfing. #GOPDnD
DM: Global warming ravaged the village's crops
— Robert McNees (@mcnees) March 26, 2017
GOP: I cast "Detect Lie" on climate scientists
DM: What?
GOP: I attack the scientists#GOPDnD
DM: The village leader offers his hand-
— Monica Ayhens-Madon (@peripateticacad) March 26, 2017
Trump: Grapple check.
DM: What?
Trump: I grapple his hand.
DM: It's a HANDSHAKE. #GOPDnD
DM: "The villagers are starving."
— Chris Pramas (@Pramas) March 20, 2017
Cleric: "I cast Create Food & Water!"
Paladin: "Don't. You'll create a culture of dependency!" #GOPDnD
PC: “A temple! We can get healed!”
— Braz (@braz) March 21, 2017
DM: “12,000 gold each.”
PC: “We don’t have that much gold.”
DM: “You have *access* to healing.”#GOPDnD
DM: your party begins the quest naked.
— Derek Chivers (@derek_chivers) March 20, 2017
PC: wait, what?
DM: entry-level gear's been free for a while and I'm just not seeing results.#GOPdnd
"I cast Detect Evil."
— IainNC (@IainNC72) March 20, 2017
"There's no evil here. Only alt-good." #GOPDnd
DM: The fighter takes a big hit from the Ogre's club. Cleric?
— Bryan Arminio (@BryanArminio) March 20, 2017
Cleric: If I heal him, he'll have no incentive to avoid Ogre attacks. #GOPdnd
PC: A spider laid eggs inside my body and I need to get them out before they hatch
— Charlie is yelling (@barit0wned) March 20, 2017
DM: You'll need the spider's permission first#GOPdnd
DM: Dark Elves are being slaughtered by Human Paladins.
— Mistletoe Ethaniel (@m_ethaniel) March 20, 2017
PC: What about Dark-Elf-On-Dark-Elf Crime tho?#GOPdnd
DM: Orcs are approaching your party
— Jessi Johnson (@LinkedJourneys) March 19, 2017
GOP: I attack my allies
DM: But --
GOP: Have to show the orcs I'm not weak #GOPdnd
Trump: I roll a 20.
— C.J. Tuor (@Cjtuor) March 17, 2017
GM: It clearly says 3
Trump: Highest role since Reagan. #GOPDnD
GOP: I cast a spell to ban elves from the 7 realms.
— Martha (@marthamatical) March 17, 2017
*fails difficulty check*
GOP: ...6 realms.
*fails difficulty check*#GOPDnD
DM: You have 500 gold to use as you wish
— Matterhorn (@golf4miami) March 17, 2017
GOP: I build a giant fort and army
DM: Your peasants starve
GOP: BUT THEY ARE PROTECTED#GOPDND
Player: I'm the best dice roller. Nobody rolls higher than me. My stats are all 20s.
— How do I Tweeter? (@vexingthoughts) March 17, 2017
DM: Can I see your character sheet?
Player: No#GOPDnD
GM: A villager approaches your paladin, asking you to heal his child.
— James D'Amato (@OneShotRPG) March 17, 2017
GOP: Does he look weathly?
GM: No
GOP: He hasn't earned it.#GOPDnD
This may be the best hashtag in Twitter history.
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