I never understood why people put things in their homes that serve no purpose but to be creepy.
Now I don't mean that in the broadest sense in the term, like people who have giant snakes or tarantulas living with them. I'm talking about weird knick knacks and statues that are used for "decorative" purposes.
Whenever I go into a person's house and I see they have a china cabinet full of these things, I begin taking mental notes of all the exits in the building and what kind of furniture I can throw down on the ground to buy myself some time during my escape.
Now those tiny little porcelain angels with old-school SNES RPG faces are one thing, but what about a house filled with human-size statues. How would you feel about walking into, or, spending $550,000, to own one?
Attention people with US$550,000 in cash!— Josh K. Elliott (@joshkelliott) March 19, 2018
Do you prefer sculpted people over real ones?
Are crocheted ceilings your jam?
Does the idea of a Cadillac with running water make you scream "YAS"?
Then this crazy Detroit listing might be the home of your dreams.https://t.co/R0TYTkEIP7
That's right. This insane house that's been decorated, floor-to-ceiling with statues and figures of all kind was put up for sale in lovely Detroit, Michigan.
It doesn't matter what part of the house you're in...a statue will be there to welcome you. They'll be there when you wake up. They'll be there when you eat, sleep, and, in the rare event you could ever convince anyone to come into your house for some sexy times, they'll be watching you too.
At least the house comes with a piano, I mean, that's gotta count for something, right? Sure it's in a room that looks like it's straight out of Liberace's nightmares, but at least it's a great conversation piece.
The bust on top of this toilet has the common decency to look away from your while you go, though.
But these golden gestures with their contorted faces are just plain horrifying.
Now I haven't read the closing agreements on the home, but I wouldn't be surprised if it states that you have to take the dolls with the home, and then sign the contract in your own blood.
From the outside, the home doesn't appear to be a carnival of horror. There are some little touches here and there that are a bit, eccentric, but nothing like the interior of the place.
Turns out though that there may be more problems with the property than the horrifying collection of lifeless demons inside.
only shown on sunny days means there is a water problem and they don't want anyone to see it...this is a dirty way of hiding defects— Bay_Bye (@BayBye2010) March 20, 2018
Again, that's just speculation, but a leaky roof would be the least of my worries in this home. There are properties being sold in the same city for as low as $1, and they have the added benefit of not looking like an abandoned set from a Puppetmaster movie.
Others were reminded of an early 2000s Australian comedy when they saw the home.
The front and the first room are giving me serious Wog Boy vibes. "we lived in a normal Aussie house: Doric columns, concrete as far as the eye can see... "— Sarah (¬_¬) #UluruStatement #TreatyNow (@SarahEHoll) March 19, 2018
Some couldn't even believe that whoever listed it had the gall to put it up in the first place. Each photo of the home just gets worse and worse.
For some Twitter users, the basic right to shelter was called into question. Because who would be so twisted to turn something as wholesome as a home into this kind of hellish landscape?
Look, I'm now re-thinking my philosophy of housing as a human right.— #BringThemHere (@SarahRubyWrites) March 19, 2018
Clearly some people don't deserve houses.
As it turns out, the home was designed by this man, Ronald Nassar, who spoke about his passion project with USA Today.
The dining room is decked out with cherub statues so you can "feel you're dining with angels." The home comes with two classic sedans in the garage, a 1966 Cadillac Fleetwood Sedan and a Lincoln Mark IV Coupe. There's a swimming pool in the back, and the lower level of the home's been converted into a cabaret with a bar and a small stage.
If you're wondering why Nassar's home is decked out with such tacky flair, his employment history might give some insight: he is a retired industrial designer who's worked on projects like tricking out cars to gaudy extremes, like a gold-plated Cadillac for Saudi Arabia's King Faisal.
If you want to check out the full listing for the home, you can see it here.