Spike TV began as a "man" network that was filled with whatever cheap-to-air action films it could get its hands on, Cops, a bunch of terrible reality shows, and the occasional early UFC card back in the day.
But because of a gradual ratings drop, and a 20 percent nosedive of viewers who stopped tuning in in 2017, Spike TV's officially done and being rebranded at the Paramount Network.
And the TV station's social media manager isn't taking the news too well, apparently, firing off a series of strange, revealing, hilarious and straight-up irreverent tweets.
It's a truly beautiful Twitter meltdown.
They started by insulting everyone who works there.
There’s a reason all our early shows were CSI, UFC, TNA, MXC, UTI. No one around here knew how to read.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
And they weren't afraid to get personal.
The “get more action” tagline was actually my personal mantra. I was in a 3 month dry spell.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
I mean, I'd watch that version of a show.
The logo is pretty terrible, IMO.
I hated all my logos, but this last one looks like a tattoo design from a rejected Ink Master contestant.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
Episode for reference, please.
I lost my virginity in one of the storage spaces from Auction Hunters.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
I clogged up the 4th stall in the 7th floor men’s room over 30 times last year.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
The pettiness was off the charts.
I gave my entire staff empty gift cards as parting gifts because fuck them and their joy.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
I remember hating the commercials for this.
We had a show called The Joe Schmo Show. Apparently every decent show name was taken.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
It's true, it should just be called the Cops channel.
My favorite number is 329 because it’s the number of times COPS is on every night.— SPIKE (@spike) January 16, 2018
I mean it is kind of cool that they have such a laid back pitch procedure.
They also took it as an opportunity to air other grievances about show particulars.
People can't believe that the tweets are still up.
But honestly, gems like this should be left up for all the internet to see.
I knew those were all BS.
I was baked when I pitched 1000 Ways to Die. Those episodes are mostly based on my nightmares.— SPIKE (@spike) January 17, 2018
I never thought rebranding would be one of the 1000 ways to die. I’m out. PEACE!— SPIKE (@spike) January 17, 2018
I would love to work with this guy.
And of course, it's worth knowing that the tweets are from a fictional character; the network is, of course, in on the jokes. Red Fabbri, Spike TV’s vice president of fan engagement and editorial, told Adweek, “He’s confronting an existential crisis, having a bit of a meltdown in public," in reference to the account's recent tweets. “Like someone might in the modern workplace if they got handed a pink slip.”
Seems accurate, no?