This Person's Battle With a Pigeon Family Is Better Than a Soap Opera


Jul. 29 2018, Updated 12:17 p.m. ET

Man versus nature: the eternal struggle. Who does this Earth belong to? More specifically, who does this house belong to? One person is amusing everyone with their personal battle against some feathered interlopers.

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Imgur user atomicrabbit2 shared a collection of photos taken over the course of four years that shows how determined some birds were to make a home on atomicrabbit2's house. No matter what they did to plug up holes and cover their exhaust pipe, the pigeons triumphed.

"We bought a new house. This house had a nice gas fireplace and the exhaust was tucked neatly away near the back door. The problem was, the little nook appeared to be a perfect place for birds to nest because of the protection of the roof and heat from the fireplace," they wrote.

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The first incident of birds squatting on the property took place in August 2014.

"The first time I noticed the little guys, they caught me off guard, but I thought nothing of it," atomicrabbit2 wrote. "They were just trying to keep warm, I figured. They startled easily and flew away whenever I would walk in/out of my back door, which scared the sh-- outta me. At first I ignored it, but they started [pooping] and building a nest INSIDE the exhaust."

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The following spring, atomicrabbit2 decided they'd had enough of birds in the exhaust and decided to cover the pipe with chicken wire. Case closed...or so they thought.

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Just months later, a nest was discovered.

"They found a nice little crevice on top of the exhaust to build a neat, little nest. Ok fine. No babies, so nest is gone. Easy enough."

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The birds returned of course, the very next day.

Our poster cleared them out again and they didn't seem to return for the rest of the season. Triumph!

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But no. The following year, the birds were back. And this time, they came with a vengeance.

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The next plan of bird defense was far more complicated:

"So I added bird spikes on top (iteration 2) which I figured would keep them out for good. NOPE. Those little f---s came back with a vengeance. It not only didn't keep them away, but the spikes seemed to stabilize their nest. This time they brought colored twine! I cleaned out the nest, and next day they came back with more blue twine. Cleaned it out, and THEY CAME BACK AGAIN WITH MORE GD TWINE.. They must have had a f--kin' stock pile somewhere."

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They decided to solve this problem in a very reasonable way: by adding MORE spikes.

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And nature's response was, obviously, to send more birds over to the spiky cage mess.

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This time, atomicrabbit2 decided to take it all the way to the top — with chicken wire:

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But somehow the birds STILL found a way in. 

Atomicrabbit2 writes, "So apparently, I left a small opening on the right side. Those birds were flying up into their now high-end GATED F--KING COMMUNITY!

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After intense frustration, the poster decided he could only fight birds with other birds. Atomicrabbit2 installed an owl statue named Dr. Who, and those pigeons cleared out real fast.

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The moral of the story? Don't bring chicken wire to a bird fight.

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