I still fail to see why 50 Shades Of Grey was so insanely popular. It's fairly timid stuff in terms of what's available on the internet, and most stuff on the internet has a better plot. Perhaps the best thing to come out of of it were the countless number of hilarious parody accounts that have sprung up.
One of them, 50 Nerds of Grey, is rewriting the book from the perspective of a nerd, and it's golden.
He was very careful during bondage sessions. He always used a safe word that contained upper and lower case letters and at least one number.— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) September 9, 2015
'How do you feel about chains?' she whispered, stroking his chest.— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) April 17, 2016
He gulped. 'I quite like Pizza Hut but I'm not so keen on McDonalds.'
'Don't hold back,' she said. 'I like it rough.'— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) April 16, 2016
'OK,' he said, and put on the extended version of Phantom Menace with director's commentary.
They tried it standing up, sitting down and bent over the kitchen table but it was no good - they just couldn't get a decent wi-fi signal.— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) April 8, 2016
Despite his innocent asthmatic public image, he was a real snake in the bedroom.— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) April 8, 2016
Hufflepuff in the streets, Slytherin in the sheets . . .
'So,' she said, entering his bedroom, 'This is where the magic happens.'— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) April 7, 2016
'Oh yes,' he smiled, putting on his Harry Potter glasses and cloak.
She said she was turned on by men who took risks . . .— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) April 1, 2016
So he took the plastic off his iPhone screen.
'I'm all yours tonight!' she cried, 'Do something to me you'd never normally dare do to a woman!'— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) March 30, 2016
'All right' he said, and made eye contact.
'Hey' she said 'When you suggested kinky superhero night you said nothing about an old man!'— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) March 30, 2016
'Sorry' he said 'Stan Lee insisted on a cameo.'
'I made a mistake!' she cried, 'Please don't punish me like this!'— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) March 30, 2016
But it was too late . .
She'd already installed the latest Apple update.
'Are you ready to be tortured in a way only a woman can torture a man?' she asked.— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) March 28, 2016
He nodded nervously.
'OK' she said and ate half his chips
'Harder!' she screamed, 'Harder!'— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) March 24, 2016
'All right,' he said. 'What's the square root of nine times twelve divided by six point three recurring?'
I may not know how to get a girlfriend but I know how to write bug-free software . . .— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) March 23, 2016
I got 99 problems but a glitch ain't one.
Check out more of our favorites below:
"'It's so long!' she squealed 'I don't think it'll fit!'
'Sorry' he said 'It isn't easy saying what you want in 140 characters'#LoveTwitter"
"She threw him down, tied his hands and feet to the bed and leapt on top of his naked body.
It was then that they were asked to leave IKEA."
"His tongue explored the hole before probing deeper until she couldn't take any more.
'Would you just eat your donut already?'#FridayFeeling"
"'Smack that bottom!' she cried, bending over the table. 'Smack it hard!'
'I am' he said 'But the ketchup just won't come out'#FridayFeeling"
"He decided to take a chance. He got her out of jail, took her to a cheap hotel and gave her two hundred dollars . .
He loved Monopoly night."
"'Go on, touch it,' she whispered.
He obeyed and was shocked as it turned red.
He still hadn't got used to the Twitter Like button."
"She squirmed as he leaned over and whispered softly in her ear.
'Asdfg . . . hjkl . . . uiop.'
She loved it when he talked qwerty."
"When he told her he worked in IT support, it really turned her on.
Then it turned her off.
Then it turned her on again.#FridayFeeling"