31 Fashion Crimes No Self-Respecting Human Should Ever Commit

By

Jan. 29 2019, Updated 5:41 a.m. ET

I'm no expert when it comes to fashion. In fact, I'm pretty clueless. I just make sure to throw out my clothes when they get too ratty, press my dress shirts whenever I have a special occasion, and not wear anything too baggy or too tight.

But if you wanted to get my advice on how to look trendy, or make an impression, or stand out from a crowd of "same-y" looking other folks, I'm not really sure I could help you with that.

But even my plain-clothes-wearing-self can tell you that these fashion atrocities should be avoided at all costs - they're that egregious.

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1. Half-dress. Half sneaker. All nope.

2. I don't even know what this denim abomination is.

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3. OK, so I know this probably says, 'Saturday' but shame on whoever dressed this mannequin.

4. Don't wear your blanket outside.

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5. Jorts 2.0

6. Keeping your calves, and only your calves, warm.

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7. Quad belt.

8. This ultimate winter equalizer.

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9. This bedazzled house arrest bracelet.

10. These fishnet, above-the-knee, sandal shoes.

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11. These nightmarish baby-doll flip flops.

12. The extreme pant-sag.

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13. This blow up doll jumper.

14. This mean-neon-green getup.

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15. These sweat shorts with built in wrap-around sleeves.

16. Brock Lesnar needs pants as big as he is.

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17. Jorts so ugly even the cops are roasting this dude on Twitter for them.

18. This mop-looking wedding dress.

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19. These lace terrors.

20. How do you even wear this skirt?

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21. Prom dress from hell.

22. These ballerina-inspired feet destroyers.

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23. These accordion pants.

24. Someone somehow made clogs worse.

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25. Dollar store party decoration dress.

26. Alligator skin, elephant trunk.

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27. This tank-top skirt.

28. Now I love dinosaurs...but these are awful.

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29. These cookie monster pants.

30. When you need to rep the farm life.

31. And these dog heels.

Please tell me those aren't taxidermy.

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