Everyone knows that having children is a huge responsibility and it changes your life in ways that you can't imagine.
Now it's easy to understand this statement but to experience the "unimaginable", as any parent will tell you, is what makes the above-statement a universal truth.
There's just no way you'll ever know what it's like to have children until you have them yourself. Babysitting for a day or two doesn't count. Having pets doesn't count, either. But being responsible for a human life, and all of its ups and downs is a trip. And like any life-changing experience, it's going to teach you a few things.
The art of slumber, as you know it, will be forever changed. Transitioning babies or toddlers from sleeping in the same room as you to having their own bed is a herculean task. Many kids fight sleep like it's the plague too and not because they're trying to spite you - just because they are so in love with you and life that they don't want to miss a thing. It's hard to be mad at them for it, which turns sleep time into a guilt-ridden affair. Your sleep cycle will be changed - forever.
You'll come up with methods of keeping your sanity, while keeping your kids entertained, that you would have never dreamt up of while you were blissfully ignorant to the joys of parenting.
It will be tested and you'll be surprised with how much you'll put up with simply because you have no choice but to put up with it.
The screams of your offspring demanding food or that you play the same "ABC Phonics" song for the fourteenth time in a row is louder than any death metal concert you went to back when you actually had a social life.
Kids wiping out is a common occurrence. Their ability to shrug off slips and falls is entirely contingent on your reaction to them. Keep a watchful eye, but you'll be surprised just how persistent they are.
Graduating from one to multiple children is a crazy transition. You'll find clever ways to quell the inevitable squabbles that arise between these growing bags of hormones trying to find their place in the world.
And yes, that includes the village dog.
The ability to feed/nourish a baby, which simultaneously helps them to lose baby weight and calm them will make a father feel inadequate and come up with all sorts of ways to try and keep up in the quest of raising a healthy child.
From the Tooth Fairy to the Easter Bunny, to the belief that hard work and honesty always pays off!
After changing a few thousand poopy diapers, picking up food dropped from the floor is a perfectly fine practice.
...until they're old enough to know better and think for themselves, of course.
Sorry, but the "figuring out" phase is over and parents realize rather quickly that being a human helicopter just isn't necessary.
Don't abuse that power, because it is power, make no mistake.
Watch them learn how to ride a bike for the first time or hit a sick drift like this little girl here and your heart will swell with pride.
It's really difficult to say no when they put so much effort into something.
Despite knowing it's a terrible idea, you still want to do it anyway.
You see what happens?
It's not a pleasant feeling, any mom will tell you.
"It's quiet, a little too quiet."
It's a universal truth.
It really isn't.
Nothing is more tiring.
Sorry, second and so on children.
Take your time strolling through those aisles.
No, not bipolar. Just kids.
That is, until they learn what batteries are and how to change them.
How do they keep it all together?
If the room isn't a mess it's like kids see that as a personal attack against their honor.
Seriously, have one and then come talk to me.
We’ve all been there. You swipe right on Tinder, decide on a place to meet, and realize about five minutes in that leaving your house in the first place was a huge error. Maybe you feel like you’ve been catfished because they look nothing like their photos (surprise!), or perhaps you quickly realize they weren’t being sarcastic in their profile when they said their favorite band was The Beatles.
Whatever the case may be, there’s no flying spark to indicate this is the person of your dreams. And maybe you’re the mature kind of individual who can finish their drink, bring up the fact that you don’t see a future together, split the bill, and head your own separate ways. Bravo!
But what if you’re not? u/PM_Me_YourTinyBoobs kindly addressed this very question on Reddit when he asked what a person could say to instantly derail a date. The answers ranged from painfully incestuous to downright hilarious.
Next time you just need to shut it down really quickly and abruptly, these are some perfect lines you can use.
When I had my first drink, I didn't have much of a frame of reference, but I knew that a drink order says a lot about a person. So I chose wisely and just imitated whoever I thought was cool when I was growing up. And there's no one cooler than Clint Eastwood in any Western, ever.
So I ordered myself a whiskey. Neat. I didn't enjoy it. I didn't like the flavor. But I stuck with that drink every time I went out with my friends. I tried different types of whiskey and settled on Jameson. Why? Image. It was all image.
Although I don't really drink that much anymore, when I do, I let my best friend either make my drink or at least decide what I should be sippin' on (he's an amazing bartender), because I clearly have no idea what I'm doing. And he's probably doing me a solid by making me look like I'm somewhat cultured in front of other bartenders. Because, as I've learned in this AskReddit post, there are stereotypes associated with particular drinks and they can get pretty judgmental.
There are plenty of ways to troll a sleeping friend while on a road trip. My personal favorite is parking the car in front of a light pole or a wall, flashing your lights, and having everyone in the car at the same time scream their heads off as if you're all about to die.
That's one way to wake them up.
But Eria found a different approach to trolling her boyfriend, Scott, that had a much longer effect: she enlisted the help of the I'm Telling God Facebook group in roasting him mercilessly for his soporific ways. As a result, the 'Sleepy Scott' meme was born.
If you were like pretty much everyone in the world, you were probably let down by the fact that Croatia didn't have their storybook ending in taking home first place in the 2018 World Cup. Sure, France had an amazing team and all that, and the contest's youngest MVP player, Mbappé, even donated all of his winnings from the tournament to charity—so I guess it's hard to be too upset with the competition's end result.
And even though everyone played their hearts out (except Egypt, I mean, they went again Saudi Arabia and the results were just embarrassing), there was a clear winner this World Cup and it actually wasn't even any of the teams. S
ure there's a first, second, and third place result, but all of those accomplishments pale in comparison to the wonderful memes that sprung up as a result of this glorious tournament.
More than a few were thanks to Brazil's Neymar.