We've all had brain farts from time to time. Right after your friend drops you off at home and then you run to catch up to their car asking if you left your phone in there, only to realize it's right in your hand. Or asking what Chris Pratt's real name is aloud while watching Guardians of the Galaxy, or when you order an ice water with no ice.
They're not your proudest moments, and it might take you a second or two to realize that what you just said makes you sound like a total crazy person, but it's just one of the many pitfalls of being a human being.
Then there are questions that people ask, which no amount of insomnia or a lack of coffee can explain. There's only one excuse for these questions: plain stupidity.
1. What a co-NUN-drum.
My 21 year old sister once asked my entire family at dinner if nuns don’t have sex, where do they get more nuns? That takes the cake for me.
2. Brings a whole new meaning to #Twinning.
I am an identical twin and one time a girl asked me if we get each other confused.
3. This guy who doesn't understand how monthly bills work.
For context, I work in a phone shop.
Customer: What is this? (Hands me his bill)
Me: This is your bill.
Customer: But I already paid it.
Me: Well then, don't worry about it.
Customer: No, I mean I paid it last month.
Me: Oh, this is just your second bill then.
Customer: BUT I ALREADY PAID IT!
Me: Last month's bill, yes. This is your next bill.
Customer: YOU MEAN THEY KEEP SENDING THESE EVERY MONTH?
Me: ... yes ... that's what a phone contract is. You signed a contract for 2 years didn't you?
Me: So you will get a bill each month for 2 years then.
Customer: WHAT A RIP OFF!!!
He legit thought he would only get a single $90 bill for his brand new iPhone over the entire 2 years of his contract...
4. This woman who's angry at the sun.
I work in a toll booth and was working on the westbound side. A lady drove up to my booth really mad, which is par for the course, but I digress. She told me that every day she takes this route home from work, and every. single. day. the sun is directly in her eyes... Well of course, she's driving westbound at 6 pm. When I mentioned this, she brushed it off and asked "Well can't you change the direction of the road or at least put a cover over it?! I can't be the only person who is bothered by this!"
5. Ma'am, that's not how beef works.
Waited on a woman who asked me what kind of meat was in our beef taco salad.
Lady: What kind of meat is in your beef taco salad?
Me : Beef
L: What kind of beef?
Me: Beef, ground beef seasoned with taco seasoning.
L: No, I mean is it pork or chicken?
Me: Ma’am, it’s beef, it’s from a cow. It’s beef.
6. Ummm...I hope other giraffes?
Can you imagine what kind of animals giraffes f--k?
Yea dude. Other giraffes.
I mean I don't know that much about giraffes and to be honest I don't feel like googling to see whether or not I'm wrong.
7. Apparently Good Friday isn't always on Good Friday.
What day of the week is good Friday on?
Do you mean what date?
No, what day of the week. It was on a Thursday last year.
8. Planes can't land in Japan because it's such a tiny country.
If it was possible to even land a plane on Japan because it's so small.
Because, you know, maps are a 1:1 description of the world :/
9. The way rivers work are a real head-scratcher for some.
Working for a rafting company I’m asked far too often at the end of the float if we are back at the start. Rivers don’t flow in godd--n circles!
10. The American mountain-building industry was once a booming part of this country's economy.
“How did we build the mountains?” - My brothers fiancee, while we drove through The Rockies.
11. The "my left or your left?" question isn't applicable in all situations.
I once asked someone to look to the left of something on her screen. She asked "My left or your left?"
We were both facing the same direction.
12. How haircuts work can be confusing for some.
I have a buzz cut. A guy at work recently asked, dead seriously “Do you cut your hair? Or does it only grow that long?”
13. I'm hoping that they just misspoke and got their nouns mixed-up.
“The USA is in California right?”
I can't be too hard on them, when I was six I didn't know the distinctions between "countries" and "states." I thought any state with lots of grass was a "country."
14. No one really knows which moon we're looking at on any given night.
Not me, but our safari guide in South Africa said he once heard a woman ask her husband, “Honey, is that the same moon we see in Texas?”
15. She thought Toronto was where?
Not asked, but in high school show choir, we took a trip to Toronto (from the U.S.) for a competition. One girl thought Toronto was in Florida, and only packed bathing suits, shorts, and crop tops.
EDIT: RIP inbox. For those that asked, we were in the southeast, so we were traveling north, and it was around March-ish (I don't remember exactly, it was 2001, I believe).
16. Cleaning toilets is apparently some kind of insane activity no one really does.
When I was in college and my flatmate saw my room he asked me in all seriousness: "Why is your toilet so clean?".
When I pee in something, I want it to be totally clean.
17. Yeah the zoom function takes a while to get down pat.
My current boss asked me to "make the pages smaller" "so she can see all of them." She had Excel zoomed in to 200% and thought I was just sending things in font 46. This person has been in her position for 12 years. Ugh.
18. Those full moons sure are rare occurrences.
"A full moon only happens once every 10 years, right?"
Well if it did, then werewolves wouldn't be such a huge concern for so many Americans and by so many I mean me when I'm alone in the house at night.
19. Friend of mine had the same thing happen to him.
25-year-old woman asked me if a blowjob could get her pregnant.
Best part? It was a medical student. Well they dropped out, but at least now we know why.
20. This dude who greatly underestimated the functionality of his computer.
“Do we have the ability to open digital files?”
This is the guy who would print PDFs from our server then scan the print to his email so he could save them to his desktop...
21. You don't want to incur the ire of tech support workers, people.
First day working a tech support job, I answer a phone call from a woman whose laptop won't turn on. She's at the airport trying to get some work done and is very frustrated because she had been working for several hours during a layover and the laptop suddenly shut off. I asked her if she had the laptop plugged in when it shut off, or if she was just running it on the battery. "It can be plugged in? I thought it was supposed to be wireless."
I honestly thought I was being pranked because I was the new guy. After a lengthy pause to decide if this was a serious call, I advised her to try plugging it in. Laptop turned on, she was amazed that it didn't just recharge itself when she wasn't using it.
22. Salt prevents what?
While holding a container of Morton's salt, "Do you know if there's sodium in salt? I mean, I know there's iodine to prevent retardation, but is there sodium?"
23. This person who has no idea how breastfeeding works.
I'm a postpartum nurse. A patient asked me "when will the doctor be here to pierce my nipples so I can breastfeed?"
24. Do you mean, turn on?
This one guy asked me how to "un-off" something.
Probably didn't have his coffee yet. I get it, I once tried to use my car key fob to unlock the front door to my apartment.
25. A surefire way to anger any Texan.
A girl at school asked me if Wisconsin was the capital of Texas.... She was confused 'cause she moved to Tx from Wi..... I said "No it's Austin, and Wisconsin is a state not a city".... She said "Oooohhhh, thanks!"
We were highschool freshmen, how? Just how? You lived there, girl...
26. "My east."
In my driver’s ed class the instructor was discussing cardinal directions.
He asked a girl on the front row what direction her house was from here.
She points out the window and he goes “So, west?”
She responds “Well, it’s my east because I’m facing you."
27. I would want to live in the sky too, if I could.
I was at my cottage looking at the stars at night with a friend and she turned to me and asked: "Are there countries in the sky?" I didn't know what she meant so I asked her to explain and then she said: "Well, are there any countries in the world that are just kind of, in the sky?" I was so confused that I just sat there in silence but eventually she says, "I mean, is there land on the earth in the sky where people live that are countries?" At that point I just gave up and said "no" and she replied "oh, okay" so reassuringly.
28. I hate it when my salads are just filled with laytucky.
The guy ahead of me asked the Chipotle employee, “What’s ‘lay-tuck-ee’?”
It was lettuce. He asked what lettuce was.
29. Imagine if that's how it worked? Terrifying.
In high school, we were warming up before a baseball game one evening and some really ominous, dark clouds started rolling in. One of my teammates very seriously asked “Is that a storm or is that just night coming?” I will never forget that.
30. But...you just said...wireless.
I'm working the IT help desk.
"Do you guys have any of those wireless internet cables??"
Blank stare ensued while I waited for her to understand the request...... Then I said it's already plugged in...
31. There are times I miss working in a pizzeria.
I worked in a pizza restaurant when I was 16. They had a pizza they called a UFO pizza. It was just another slab of dough on top of a regular pizza, and it made it look like an orb, hence the name.
One day a guy that worked there was writing down a telephone order, turns around and says "Hey guys, how do you spell UFO??" The owner looked mortified and just repeated "youuu eefff ohhh!!" He stared back in silence for a few moments before it hit him.
Comments like this are the reason.