Getting injured is rarely ever fun (I guess it depends on the situation, but I digress). But if you're going to get hurt, it might as well be for something that's worth it, like fighting for the world title, or saving a child from getting hit by a car.
Suffering an injury in an embarrassing situation literally adds insult to injury, but it at least makes for a good story that you could look back on and laugh. Like that horrifying and humiliating intro scene to There's Something about Mary.
But getting injured in a completely mundane situation? That's not fun. Nor cool. You don't even have that embarrassing of a "yup that happened to me" kind of story to go along with the injury, except for the fact that something totally unremarkable caused you to get hurt in the first place.
The following unbelievably horrible injuries that occurred in the most innocuous of ways from this AskReddit thread are those kinds of ouchie-wawas.
1. Getting out of bed.
I got out of bed a few weeks ago and turned my ankle. Tore every ligament and have to use crutches now.
2. Putting socks on.
I dislocated my knee....putting socks on. I was standing near the foot of my bed and was doing a balancing act putting socks on. When I went to put my right leg back down, my pant leg somehow got stuck on the footboard of my bed. My jeans somehow then decided to rip and my knee moved in a way it was never intended to.
I'm definitely a klutz and tend to find myself in weird situations like this far too often.
3. Back-breaking laughter.
Laughing with a friend of mine at Dairy Queen. Laughed so hard because he pulled out a condom instead of money and he thought everyone saw him so I burst into gut wrenching laughter apparently rupturing my L4-L5-S1 vertebrae requiring emergency surgery!
4. Collar bone.
Broke my collar bone after accidentally rolling onto the floor off a bunk bed... it was the bottom bunk.
5. Torn ACL
Tore my ACL and meniscus in my right knee while pulling my pants up changing in the locker room after swim practice. Took two surgeries and 6 months of recovery to get back to normal. Because of pants.
6. Washing hands.
I built a nice counter for our laundry room, installed the new washing machine, installed the wall-mounted dryer, made shelves with the leftover wood, and even found time to plant an apple tree my mom had bought, all in the same day. Then slipped a disc when I was washing my hands -_-
7. Petting a cat.
I injured my knee by crouching to pet a cat.
I could barely walk for a few days and couldn’t do any exercise or sports for nearly a month
8. Getting cozy.
I was sitting on a couch. There was a blanket on the floor barely covering my feet. While seated, I leaned forward to pull the blanket onto myself. Pulled a muscle in my back and was out of work for 4 days.
9. Eating waffles.
When I was a little kid, I fell over and broke my collar bone while sitting and eating waffles. I wish this was fake.
Edit: About a year before this incident, I broke the same bone playing on my mother's bed. I believed I was a Power Ranger and rolled off the bed... onto the hard wood floor.
10. Using a telescope.
Little me, around 8 years old spent a few hours gazing through his telescope into the moon, the stars and the sky and it was awesome. When I was done, I hugged my telescope, optical tube down and eye piece up. I was very short, very very short. Almost telescope sized back then.
So, of course I tripped, by reflex I looked down, while at the same time, the big end of the telescope hit the ground, and my mouth caught the eyepiece, almost.
Right between the upper lip and the nose, went almost all the way in, and turns out my face is a gusher. In two spots it went all the way through my facemeat and hit my front teeth, lucky me it didn't crack a tooth. Thanks for the ER trip Mr. Telescope, Who knew stargazing was such dangerous activity?
Pulled a muscle in my right butt cheek while taking a nap. Couldn't walk properly for the next 7 hours.
12. Opening a band-aid.
I got a paper cut opening a band aid.
Somewhere, Alanis Morrissette is singing about this.
Sneezed. Threw my back out.
14. Ping Pong.
Two years ago I tore my miniscus and blew out my knee playing ping pong at our office Christmas party. Stepped to the left and went down hard. Worst part was two days later when I finally stubbornly went to emerg that the nurses keep me a pro athlete and the dude ahead of me had the exact same injury from a "vicious hockey hit."
I was once concucsed after being dropped off late to school. Turned back to wave to my dad and ran smack straight into a stop sign and dropped cold.
16. Stubbed toe.
You know all those terrible injuries you can get by exercising with heavy weights in the gym if you use poor technique? Well, how about subbing your toe on the power rack so hard you can't walk for days.
I got a hernia from taking a dump.
18. Leaning back.
I got one leaning back in a chair. There was a popping noise and then I saw my innards piling up under my skin.
I was scared $#!* less. I called my doctor and got the on call doc, who proceeded to act like a [jerk] about it.
Me (about to cry in fear): "I leaned back in my chair and my guts fell out. They didn't break the skin, though..." Snotty tone doc: "Well does it hurt?" Me: "Uh...no." Snotty tone doc: "Then make an appointment! This isn't an emergency!" Me (more pissed off than scared now): "Well I'm not a doctor and didn't know that!"
Told my doc later and that $#!* head got canned. Apparently I wasn't the first person she was rude to.
I bowled in college. One day I ended up showing up to practice late because i slept through my alarm when i took a nap...so i'm rushing to get to practice like "I $#!*ed up" At this point i'm like 30-45 minutes late and finally get to the bowling alley and in my infinite wisdom, I decide I'm just going to start throwing shots without easing into it because I've already missed enough practice. It wasn't a day full of good decisions as you can tell.
Two shots in, I proceed to throw out my hip and was limping around for over a week. I not only threw out a hip at 19, I did it bowling.
20. Opening condoms.
I lost a tooth trying to open a box of condoms. Mid-intercourse I covered my then-girlfriend in a huge pool of blood trying to work out what happened. I thought I cut my lip or gum but I actually pulled a whole front tooth out.
More recently I split my forehead open closing the backdoor. I now have a Harry Potter like scar.
So the story goes (regarding losing my tooth). As we was getting down to the dirty business and finishing up our foreplay ritual (as you do). I thought it was best crack on with the sex part. In a matter of urgency I reach down grabbing a recently purchased 12 pack of condoms from my bedside. This was the Durex type that have the plastic wrapping around the packaging. Any way...I’m fumbling in the dark trying to pry this open with my hands and I’m failing. My GF is starting to lose moment and my little man down stairs is also looking back up at me like “really bro?”.
So in sheer desperation I try to tear open the box with my teeth and I succeed. I’m getting ready to get this condom finally open and on, to get this $#!* going, you know? I start to taste something off in my mouth. I’m sure as Hell sure it wasn’t a taste from the GF but I’m just thinking about not going soft. Then my GF starts asking why she feels wet and why I’m dribbling? Dribbling? Really...like I’m dribbling like some desperate maniac am I? She hits the lamp switch, and is greeted with me smiling ear to ear with eagerness (and confusion) with a mouth full of blood. The sheer horror in her face as if I’ve just ate a $#!* ing person alive or something. The bed, my mouth and her breasts are covered in blood. She jumps out of bed in shock bolting for the bathroom and I realised I’ve lost a tooth.
I was standing at parade rest in formation when I was in the Army. After a while I felt a sharp pop and a pain between my shoulder blades. I tore a muscle literally doing nothing.
22. Grabbing a folder.
I grabbed a manila file folder at work and got a paper cut that needed stitches. Everyone at work was kind and understanding and didn't mock me.
The last sentence was sarcasm. They gave me hell.
23. Picking up laundry.
My wife worked out during the first 8 months of her first pregnancy. Modified as necessary as our son was growing. She set a personal record of 200 lb deadlift at the 8 month mark. She was scolded as that was not the time for PRs, but impressive none the less. And she threw out her back bending over to pick up laundry on the floor.
24. Turning off an alarm-clock.
In college, I broke my toe tripping over my desk chair in my dorm trying to get to my alarm to turn it off in the morning.
Edit: Yes, I turned off my alarm, but I went back to sleep for about a half hour. It only hurt like a stubbed toe at first. When I woke up later, it hurt a lot more and was all kinds of different colors.
25. The egg and the pole.
First one: I burned my eyelids after the egg I was frying FLEW out of the pan and smacked me in the face.
Second one: my son fractured his wrist by banging into a pole while he was walking down the street...............
26. Slept "wrong".
I'm late to the party but here goes.
I slept on my neck wrong and tore an artery. That created a blood clot which then lodged in my brain stem, causing a massive stroke.
I spent a month in the hospital and had to relearn to swallow, speak, focus my eyes, stand, walk, and a dozen other little things.
Don't fall asleep watching YouTube videos I guess.
27. Stepping off a curb.
I broke my foot stepping off a curb. There was a minor pothole ( and I mean very small dip) that I didn't notice when stepping and my foot rolled sideways as I put all my weight on it. Heard the pop, didn't hurt too bad at first so I went about my day. When I got home I couldn't get my shoe off without unlacing it fully due to swelling. Went in the next day and yup, broke my foot by stepping off a curb.