Getting injured is never fun, but one thing that makes it worse is when you get injured doing something completely mundane and dumb. Like if you're going to have a "battle scar" story, you want it to be something cool.
I was fighting a shark. I saved a toddler from a bear. I rescued a runaway baby carriage and got hit by a car.
All of these are perfectly acceptable and admirable scenarios in which you'd feel proud talking about just how you got injured. But fracturing your nose because you were laying down in bed browsing memes and dropped your phone on your face is super, duper lame. This Twitter thread started by Eleanor Penny had users sharing the lamest stories behind the injuries they received.
1. This is the tweet that started it all off, resulting in a ton of simultaneously hilarious and regrettable stories of injury.
2. Fighting your own shadow looks silly enough as it is, so I imagine actually losing to it has to be super humiliating.
3. Trying to hide some contraband materials in your mattress would've been about the worst way to go out.
4. Looks like someone didn't take the "no more monkeys jumping on the bed" nursery rhyme seriously enough, and she paid the price.
5. And least this story has a silver lining. If you want to come into first place, you've got to be willing to bleed for it. Ms D was.
6. This Twitter user has tons of examples, these first three are equally painful and embarrassing.
7. Thanks for ruining piggy-back rides, as well as the Spice Girls, for all us paranoid people out there.
8. Some people offered up helpful solutions to all of the injury-prone klutzes out there.
9. This woman must've seen a really amazing moon. Either that or she has super-human neck-turning speed.
10. As it turns out though, there's someone who actually one-upped her in mundane neck-injury causes.
11. Are vampires particularly fond of slapping furniture? If they are, I'm sure none of them actually broke their wrists by doing something like this before.
12. In a follow-up tweet, this user thankfully clarified that they were 28 years old at the time. In case you thought it was just childhood folly.
13. At least he didn't break his laptop in the process.
14. Listen, if you're not proficient in doing the worm, then never attempt a worm.
15. The name of the store makes this injury that much worse.
16. Turns out this is one of the most common hand injuries out there.
17. Oh no, mild brain farts could have dire consequences.
18. Apparently it happens to the best of us, but for poor Susan, she had to deal with another casualty of her mistake.
19. Lots of people hurt themselves in the pursuit of yumminess.
20. How does one even begin to? Just...what?!
21. You see, this is why I hate going clothes shopping.
22. And you thought papercuts were bad.
23. Mother knows best, J.B..
24. God was ultimately punishing you for something you did. Think upon your sins.
25. Some people even went and got corporate involved in their ridiculous injuries. I love that Old Navy actually responded seriously.
26. Joseph, are your eyes OK? I really hope they are. Ouch.
27. I'd call this "A Series of Unfortunate Events" but that name's already taken, so I'll just call this one, "Sucks, Man."
28. Oh man, I hope he finds that picture someday and shares it with the rest of the internet. We'd be eternally grateful.
29. That's almost worse than the paper lady.
30. Ahh, sibling rivalries are responsible for all sorts of injuries.
The only thing worse than getting injured is getting humiliated in the process.