"I don't care if he is dead, put him on the phone."
That's what a utilities worker told reddit user PrincessG66 when she tried calling to cancel her father's service.
Sadly, on Father's Day 2012, her dad passed away. Princess was the de facto person in charge of wrapping up his affairs since she was his only child.
What happens next in her story is nothing short of a triumph.
Chances are if you've ever signed up with any subscription or repetitive bill payment, then you've seen how hard it can be to cancel your service.
Retro Fitness customers know exactly what I'm talking about. It's easier to get a decent score on the MCAT than to get out of a contract with them.
But I'd reckon that even people who signed up for a gym like that would be able to get out of their agreement if they happened to die.
Princess had no such luck with her father. She was told to get her dead father on the phone to cancel his plan.
So, she did them one better: she brought her father to speak with them in person.
Princess shared her righteous tale of "I did exactly as you said" revenge on the r/maliciouscompliance subreddit, and it's amazing:
"My father died on Father’s Day 2012. He was divorced and living alone, and I am an only child. So that means that I had to wrap up all of his affairs. This story centers around us trying to get his utilities canceled.
"I called in to see what we had to do to get them to cancel. The lady I spoke with on the phone said to send in his certified death certificate. I sent in the certified copy of his death certificate the next day. The next month got another bill. I called again and a new woman answered. She said that because I wasn’t on the account that she had to speak with the account holder. I informed her that the account holder was dead but she wouldn’t budge. I had to make an appointment with a supervisor so she could speak to him herself in person."
This is where things go from bonkers to just delightful:
"I showed up at the board of public utilities with another death certificate and HIS ASHES IN THE CLEAR BAG that they returned his remains in. I plopped them down on the center of her desk and said when she talked to him to tell him that I loved him for me. The woman went pale, flew out her chair, and called the cops."
Don't you love it when bullies start to play the victim? Even better is that she called the cops because the act of doing exactly as you said is all of a sudden assault? I personally think she's upset someone went and out-pettied her:
"When they showed up she claimed that I had assaulted her. And yes, my dad's remains were still sitting in the middle of her desk with the death certificate. The cops questioned me as to why I would do that. I told them the story. The supervisor’s boss was called in and they all stepped away from the desk for a private talk. While they were talking the cops came over to talk to me. They said that I shouldn’t take human remains out in public, but there was no laws that were broken. I said that I agreed with them that it was extreme, but she insisted to speak with him in person. By then, they were done talking between themselves. The supervisor’s boss kissed up to me and got it taken care of."
All's well that ended well for Princess. She had the utilities transferred over in her name with all of those useless fees waived and an assurance that the insensitive employee was fired.
"But the story isn’t over yet! I had to call back a few days later to get utilities back to the house in my name. When the person on the phone saw the address and my name, I was immediately put on hold. The supervisor's boss that finally helped me got on the phone. She sucked up to me and waived all of the fees that come with setting up utilities. Just as the call was ending, she informed me that she was again so sorry for the employee's lack of compassion. She said that the employee was terminated and again she is so very sorry."
In other tea-sipping moments of malicious compliance, there's also this tale from another redditor, sarahfromengland, who relays the tale of a supervisor who didn't care that she was gravely ill. Sarah was still expected to come to work despite her condition.
Just like our Princess friend above, she decides to do exactly as her supervisor says and, well, you know how the saying goes: the truth will set you free
"So I worked for a big orange DIY chain in the UK. Super strict and arsey about time off, absences were green, yellow, red traffic light system. Yeah roll your eyes, it's dumb right? So regardless of what was wrong with you, fully legitimate or not if you were at red stage you got a written warning.
"I wake up one day and within a few minutes it becomes apparent that I am not well at all... I have a really bad stomach (I suspect food poisoning) I'm throwing up and the other end ain't doing so well either. I have full on sweats and shakes and cannot leave the bathroom.
"So obviously I call in sick, HR was lovely and said yep no problem."
"Two hours later I get a call from the deputy manager of the store basically telling me she needs me in. I repeat my day so far to her and explain how ill I am. She changes to well you need to come in because you are on a red absence and I will have to give you a warning. (I can't afford to lose that job at all & this happened earlier in the year unfortunately so my next absence could end up being me getting sacked) So after a few mins back and forth I'm like fine!!
"I literally drag my a-- to work and walk through the main doors and my mate on the service desk immediately said 'omg what the $#*! wrong with you? You look gray!!' (Bear in mind I'm a ginger so I'm usually super pale anyway.)"
You've probably never read a story about someone projectile vomiting at work that made you feel happy for them, but this, magically, is exactly that kind of story:
"She said, 'Oh no you wait there I'm getting Lisa' who was just a department manager there, Lisa then took one look at me and demanded I come with her straight upstairs to the manager's office. She takes me directly to the store manager, has me explain to him and he is fuming that I've been called in. He asks Lisa to immediately drive me home...
"I'm walking back down with Lisa through the shop floor and lo and behold there's the deputy who made me come in. It's at this moment 20 feet from the paint mix desk that my sickness bug came rushing back, I literally ran for the paint desk (closest bin basically) and due to the force of the vomit I literally could not keep my head down. I projectile vomited like the mutha$#&! exorcist gal all over the desk, all over the cans of paint, all over the mix machine. Everywhere."
The story gets even better. Guess who gets stuck with having to clean up the vomit? The lame supervisor who forced poor sick Sarah to come into work in the first place.
"I look up trying to catch my breath and there's the deputy with this look of sheer horror on her face. Literally the only sound is store radio and dripping vomit. The store manager appeared a few seconds later and immediately looks over at deputy and says 'you'd better get a mop and I'll speak to you in MY office once you're done. Lisa. Please take Sarah home.'
"You see, Lisa was the manager of the paint department!! Haha so she got a nice half an hour out of work helping a colleague. And the $&#!* deputy had to stay and clean my sick off Lisa's paint desk."
"Lisa told me the next day she was still cleaning the desk when Lisa got back from dropping me off. And the deputy got a serious bollocking from the store manager and a written warning for professional misconduct.
"So glad now that I complied with her demands that I turn up! Was worth dragging my ass up there to get her put in her place!!"
It's stories like this that get you thinking karma just might be real, and there is some justice to be had in this mad, mad world.