Stop Watching HGTV and Start Making Your Christmas Decorations as Tacky as Possible

Jennifer Tisdale - Author
By

Dec. 12 2023, Published 10:05 p.m. ET

My family has always been very over-the-top when it comes to Christmas decorations. When I was a kid, both my mother and grandmother would remove every piece of decor from the house, including wall art, in order to replace it with holiday decor. I'm talking pillows, paintings, clothing for my old Cabbage Patch Kid dolls, bathroom and kitchen towels, area rugs, and knick knacks. No place was safe and I loved it.

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My grandmother passed away in 2013 and I made sure to snag all of her Christmas decorations. Every inch of my home is hemorrhaging Christmas and it's gaudy beyond belief. My main goal when it comes to the holidays is to make my apartment feel as if guests have stumbled upon three estate sales happening at once. I'm not alone in this. At least one TikToker is begging people to stop being so boring. This is evergreen by the way.

A family sitting by the fireplace at Christmas
Source: Getty Images
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When it comes to Christmas decorations, they should be tacky and gaudy.

Joel Wood, who goes by @joelmwood on TikTok, has the right idea when it comes to decorating your home for Christmas. He thinks people should believe in gaudy as much as they might believe in God. In gaudy we trust!

In a thrilling TikTok, Joel sent a very clear message to all the boring people in the world. Please stop getting inspired by beige paint! "Christmas tree decorations are not supposed to be sleek and classy and minimalist," he says. "It's supposed to look like joy has thrown up at your house." Guess what, he isn't referring to your friend Joy after too much egg nog.

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If we were to frame this like it's A Christmas Story, then you are Ebenezer Scrooge and instead of having a crippling fear of abandonment, you have a phobia when it comes to bright holiday colors. You should be visited by John Waters, who is still alive, so he can walk you through a trashy Christmas. Let your house be a ho ho ho!

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"It's supposed to be a little bit tacky," Joel says with the kind of passion that comes from someone who is also very much over HGTV. I'm sure there's a reason why every show brings a white couch into a home filled with children, but please stop. Enough with muted color palettes. We need to be Dorothy in Oz not Dorothy in Kansas!

Christmas decor in the 1960s.
Source: Getty Images
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As Joel rightfully points out, someone who prefers uninspiring decorations is clearly taking life too seriously. Who is this for? It's lacking in character and in my opinion, nostalgia. This is the time when you hang up the weird things you made as a kid. Why does that drawing of Santa look like a crime scene? Who cares! You made that when you were six years old.

I'm thrilled to announce the people in the comments agree with me and Joel. "Minimalist Christmas decorations are way tackier than the maximalist ones," wrote @shrimpfriendrice. It's true! We don't want to live, laugh, and love our way through the holidays. We want to sing, eat, and cry a bit.

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I want to see homes with BDE, that's Big Decked Energy and I'm obviously referring to those halls. 'Tis the season to be jolly and honey, don that gay apparel! Why are we holding back? What are we afraid of? Actually Freddy Krueger does wear a red and green sweater but for the most part, stop being so scared of glitz and glamour.

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More than one person commented about seeing beige Christmas trees and I honestly don't understand that. Is it just brown ornaments? Are there brown lights? What's the inspiration here, the manger where Jesus was born? I'm here to tell you that if Jesus could have been born in a gauche bed and breakfast surrounded by holiday-themed porcelain dolls, he would have.

If you don't know where to begin, start with a grandparent or an estate sale. Please hit up a Goodwill or thrift store. I want to see the Ugly Christmas Sweater of homes. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Gauche Night.

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