We all know dogs are literally the best creatures to ever grace this planet. We all know we don't deserve them and will never be good enough for them. We all know that the only way we can possibly make up for everything that dogs do for us is to shower them with as much love and affection and toys and treats as possible. This is common knowledge.
We also know that humans, in general, as a species, are not as good as dogs. Sorry. We just aren't. So when you hear that a new survey conducted by organic dog treat company Riley's Organics found that most dog owners kiss their dogs more than their partners, think about the math for a second. And realize that it totally and completely 100 percent makes sense.
According to People, Riley's conducted a survey of dog owners and found that 52 percent admitted to kissing their dog more than their human partner. What that means is that the other 48 percent is full of people who just won't admit the truth.
Either that 48 percent are lying to themselves and others, or they are withholding affection from their pooches who deserve it. Whatever the case, it's not a good look.
I mean, if you really think about it and you're really honest with yourself, there's no way you're smooching your human partner as much as your dog. They look at you with those big puppy eyes, and you're toast!
Info on Ye Old Pooch Smooch isn't the only piece of data Riley's collected. According to their surveys, a full 94 percent of pet parents consider their dog to be one of their best friends.
Now, if I'm being honest, if you were to ask me who my best friends were, I wouldn't name my dog in that group right off the bat. But if I think about it, my dog really is one of my best friends. There's no one else — and I mean it, not a single other friend — for whom I would pick up their poop after they defecate in the grass. Not a one.
Riley's isn't done yet proving that people are way too into their dogs. Fifty-two percent of those surveyed also admitted that they prefer to sleep in bed with their dog rather than their partner. As someone who regularly sleeps in bed with both her dog and her partner, I will say that my dog is the better cuddler.
Riley's surveys aren't the first studies to conclude that people much prefer spending time with their pets instead of with their human partners. One study found that women in particular actually sleep better when they're lying next to dogs as opposed to men. Well, sure. This makes complete sense to me.
When dogs snore, it's adorable. When men snore, you're jolted awake and think the house is crumbling around you. Dogs' bodies are warm and comforting, but men's bodies are warm...and sweaty. So so sweaty. Like, how do they sweat that much? What is wrong with them? Dogs never steal the blankets or mess up the covers. All men do that every single night. It's like some weird pact they have to ruin the bed.
Basically what I'm saying is, dogs are the best. Humans are OK sometimes. But logically, mathematically, it just makes sense that humans prefer to smooch dogs than other humans. Dogs are more reliably adorable and unproblematic.
I'm sitting on my couch right now and my dog is lying next to me with the cutest half-sleepy face on, and I get it! I get why people kiss their dogs more than their human partners. Go forth and smooch your pooches with abandon! And maybe give a peck on the cheek to your partner, too.