Husband Refuses to Help His Wife If She Has Surgery He Doesn’t Agree With

They say marriage is about compromise and taking care of your spouse when necessary. However, one woman says her husband never got the memo.

Elizabeth Randolph - Author

Jul. 11 2023, Published 11:50 a.m. ET

Marriage is a beautiful union and often requires a couple to sacrifice the single life they had to become one with their partner. The sacrifices can vary from negotiating chores to something more severe, such as dealing with an illness.

And while some spouses have no problem stepping up when the unfortunate latter situation happens, not everyone is willing to stop what they’re doing to help someone, even the person they’ve committed their lives to.

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One woman experienced firsthand that her husband’s love has limits. She said a life-changing surgery had a negative impact on her marriage and may have shown her husband’s true colors.

Keep reading to see what went down.

A couple struggling with communication over coffee.
Source: Getty Images
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A woman said her husband is “not happy about” her getting surgery that could save her arm.

When many people have relationship woes, they tend to seek out other resources to heal their pain. Some prefer to seek advice from a couples counselor or Beyonce’s “Lemonade” album to lick their wounds (the “Lemonade” route is a personal favorite of mine).

If counseling and screaming “Sorry” as loud as possible doesn’t suffice, users take to Reddit to discuss their issues among strangers. Reddit user @ThrowRAocelot23 did this in July 2023 after finding herself arguing with her husband over a surgical procedure.

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In her post, the woman said she and her husband of 15 years were at odds because she wanted an operation to “repair some nerve and artery damage to her arm.” She said she could “lose the use of that arm without the surgery.”

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Despite the severity of the user’s injury and need for the procedure, she said her husband is “not happy” about her having surgery. While the husband’s frustration about it is understandable given the exorbitant costs of pretty much anything, let alone healthcare, the OP said his issue isn’t about the money but about the extra time and energy required of him while she recovers.

“It's not even about money (public healthcare) or that he's scared/worried,” she claimed. “No. He's pissed because I will need time off work (we own a company together as equals), and he will need to adjust his days to work around our school-aged kids while I recover.”

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The woman said her husband expressed his anger regarding her surgery verbally and physically. In addition to “stomping around and slamming doors” at home, she said he informed her he wouldn’t “pick up my slack” at home or the company they co-own. Prince Charming also suggested OP not go through with the surgery and wait until she lost all her arm's functions.

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According to the woman, her husband thought it would be better than surgery because the family would have “funded home help” for their house and kids. OP shared she was understandably opposed to the idea and wanted the surgery because she has “kinda grown fond of having two functional arms.”

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The Reddit poster received tons of comments to get rid of her husband ASAP.

After seeking advice on handling her husband's anger about her surgery, various fellow Redditors pushed her to take serious inventory of her marriage. Several users warned the OP that her spouse’s reaction to just one procedure is a clear sign of how he will be if she experiences something more severe.

“You're having one surgery. This is nothing,” one commenter wrote. “Imagine how this man committed to you will treat you if you get REALLY sick or when you get old. When you need his support much more than this. Will this guy stick around for all that? He's showing you. Pay attention. Plan accordingly.”

“Tell him you need both arms because you want to be able to flip him off as you toss him divorce papers with the other hand,” another suggested. “I guess y’all wrote your own vows that omitted ;in sickness and health.'”

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Amid the support, some users noted she might have extra trouble leaving her husband because of their children and business. Additionally, some commenters believed the woman was lying about her husband’s actions, likely hoping no one’s husband is that wretched.

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But two days after her first post, the woman updated her Reddit community and confirmed she wasn’t lying and was “so glad” those who didn’t believe her story “can think that because hopefully, that means you have love and support in your life.”

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The wife confirmed in her update that she planned to proceed with the surgery, even though her husband objected and told her she was being “dramatic.” She said she decided to save herself and prioritize her needs over her man’s.

“So, long story short, I'm seeing the surgeon next week, and my husband and I are in separate beds for the time being because I can't deal with his face right now,” the Redditor shared. “I will work out everything else later once I have a more concrete plan for my surgery. But thank you, everyone, you helped me take my health seriously and do what I needed to do.”

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