Kids always think they can keep secrets from their parents, but parents are much smarter than kids think. I used to think I was able to sneak chocolate before dinner, but now it's clear they 100 percent knew what I was doing. Something you learn when you get older is that parents know exactly what their young kids are up to and spend a lot of time secretly laughing at them. It's the ultimate privilege of parenthood.
In this Reddit thread, parents share all the things their children truly believe they're hiding from them.
I'm glad I grew up before every kid had a personal tablet because our options were limited. It's got to be scary today to be a parent with a tech savvy kid who has the entire internet at their fingertips. That being said, some kids are not as savvy as others. Thegauloise's son, for example, didn't delete his search history after he looked up "naked sexing" on YouTube. Bless his little heart. That's kind of adorable.
The computer seems to be a popular vice for kids who are supposed to be sleeping. Kasper632 posted that "right now," as in at that very moment, their son was sneaking out of bed to watch more YouTube. What do these kids watch on YouTube? Why do they have to do it late at night? When I was little and wanted to stay up past my bedtime, I just had to... lie there awake. And do nothing. Maybeeee read a book if I had a flashlight. But that's it.
This one is adorable. Some kids will keep things from their parents but will tell their cat everything. 848Des14's daughter sneaks stuff to school and tells their cat, out loud, thinking that her parents just aren't listening, I guess. "She waits until I go to the bedroom to get dressed every morning, then says out loud, 'Jingles, I'm taking my burger squishy to school today okay? Don't tell Mum." Can it get any cuter than that?
Some kids think they're being really clever about their secrets and lies. But of course they are not. Parents always know what's actually going on. STORMinthian's 3-year-old "always asks for extra snacks 'to give to Daddy.'" A likely story. Oh yes, Daddy really wants a few grapes cut in half and a bunch of soggy Goldfish crackers. Daddy just loves those snacks. I'm sure you're going to give that extra yogurt tube to Daddy and not keep it for yourself.
This next one seems like something out of a C.S. Lewis book. Hastur082's daughter now has the old wardrobe from her grandmother in her room, and she has discovered that you can remove one of the wooden boards and hide things in there. I love that so much! Her daughter stashes chocolates and her diary there, and it's just adorable. "She doesn't know that I used the same trick to hide stuff," her parent writes. "One day I will tell her."
Some little toddlers are smarter than they look. They're still not smarter than their parents, though. 20sidedobjects's 2-year-old hides pacifiers around the house to use when no one's looking. That's actually brilliant! I need to take a pointer or two from this master of deception. I wonder if they pretended to lose these pacifiers so they could keep getting more to hide around the house. The only problem is their parent knows about it and has started to collect them from the hiding spots.
Kids always think their parents can't tell when they like someone, but that's completely misguided. Aedamus's son has a crush on a girl in the neighborhood. He's 12 and she's 15 or 16. And he thinks it's a secret, but everyone knows. And I mean everyone. "Wife and I know, her parents know, SHE knows, his uncle across the country knows, hell the ice cream truck guy knows," they wrote. "Thankfully she is an awesome kid and is careful about his feelings on the matter." Too cute.
When kids get older, they can start hiding, um, well, inappropriate substances from their parents, and that's when things can get serious. Luckily, these parents have their finger on the pulse and will definitely deal with it when the time comes. Peacegrrrl's son thinks he's hiding a Juul from his parents in plain sight. He thinks his parents are dumb enough to believe it's a flash drive. He's going to have another thing coming when his parents sit him down for a very serious conversation!
Similarly, metal_bulb's kid is hiding peach-flavored vodka in his room. "He'll know I know when he finds I replaced it with water." What a smooth parent move! He'll know never to try to hide alcohol again. Seems like a cool parent because they honestly seem more disturbed that their teenage son chose peach vodka. Who wants to drink peach-flavored vodka? Only a child who doesn't know how to drink vodka, obviously.
On a much more adorable, innocent note, 123woooohhaaa's 18-year-old son hides his baby blanket under his duvet at the end of his bed. "We make sure it stays where it is, even after washing his bedding and the blanket too while he's out of the house." They know he still sleeps with his baby blanket, and they know he'd totally deny it if they tried to talk to him about it. As someone who slept with her baby blanket for a very long time, this warms my heart.
Thugalo420's children love to steal and hide change whenever they find it around the house. They think they're being sneaky about it, but obviously, their parents know all about it and even add change to all their "secret" hiding spots. How adorable is that? Maybe if they collect enough change, they will be able to buy their parents a present. That has to be why they're collecting it, right? Right?
Mynameismiek's kids thought they were being sneaky when they bought something online, not realizing that their parents would immediately get an email notification informing them of what was just purchased (it was something to do with Minecraft, don't ask me, I have no idea what it is). I think it's pretty safe to say that those kids will never be ordering something online using their parents' account again.
This one is as infuriating as it is adorable. ShelB00's 1-year-old can walk, but he will only do it if he thinks no one is looking at him. If he can tell his parents can see him, he'll drop to the floor and start crying because he wants to be picked up. That kid thinks he knows what he's doing, and that's hilarious, but I have to imagine it's extremely frustrating for parents who want to celebrate and film their kid walking and encourage him to do it more.
Little kids think it's uncool to show affection or something, so BrattyLittleLioness's 8-year-old son will only pay attention to his baby brother when he thinks no one is looking. This is when we have to normalize boys showing emotion! But it's still kind of adorable. When he thinks his mom isn't paying attention, he will "rub the baby's cheeks and sing to him." That's so cute, and he should feel like he can do it publicly!
RedditsFullofDouches may have a silly username but their kid is super cute. They explain that their 4-year-old always wakes up before they do in the morning, but she pretends to be asleep so she will get carried downstairs. How much longer is that going to happen? They need to hold onto that cuteness for as long as humanly possible.
Did you have secrets you think you kept from your parents when you were a kid? Do you even want to know if they actually knew the truth?