My mom follows me on Twitter, and sometimes she wants to tell me that she likes one of my tweets. Instead of hitting the like button on Twitter, she has a habit of typing out my own tweet in quotation marks in a text, sending it to me, and then sending a follow-up text that often says, "Laughing!" or "Funny!" It's the best and I hope it never stops.
Parents who text are the world's best comedians, and they don't know it. People on Twitter recently started sharing texts that they've gotten from their parents, and they're as relatable as they are funny.
I don't understand what happens with adults and technology. These are smart people. Doctors, lawyers, astronauts. But something happens to their brains when they start to interact with technology like smartphones. In what world does is make sense to text someone who left their phone at your house? Their phone is at your house! They won't see it! Maybe, maybe if that person uses an Apple Watch or something. But I don't think that's what happened here.
Parents are so good at accidentally recording themselves doing things like vacuuming the house. I don't know how it happens because it only happens to parents or grandparents or similarly old people. They send you a garbled recording of nothing, and because you rarely ever receive recordings, you're always like, "Ooh, what's this?" before realizing it's utter accidental garbage. Every single time.
No one can burn you and your life choices like your good old parents. They brought you into this world, and they will take you out of it, piece by piece, slowly, by owning you so hard until there is literally nothing except the black hoodie you always wore that they mercilessly made fun of you for. "Princess of darkness" is just such a sick burn. I have to tip my hat to these brutal parents for their savagery.
Moms love telling you about people who died. But it's always like this. It's always like, "Remember when you were little you had that babysitter? Well I ran into someone I know from my old job three jobs ago who looks like your old babysitter, and she has a cousin, and her cousin's dad's brother died. Just thought you would want to know in case you want to reach out to this stranger and send your condolences."
Dad texts are the best texts. I don't know about your dad, but mine only knows one type of punctuation. And it's the period. And he will use a period at the end of every text no matter how excited he is in real life about the thing. You just had a baby? My dad will text, "Yay." Won the lottery? "Cool." Cured cancer? "Wow. Nice." It's amazing. I love it so much. Dads all have their own texting personalities, and it's a joy to see.
This one is way too real. The urgency and lack of emotions with which parents text is often concerning. They use the same tone whether they need to tell you something extremely serious or whether they need you to help them log into Netflix. My mom has taken to texting me things like, "Call when you can. Not urgent." and you know what that does to ameliorate my worries? Literally nothing. If anything, it makes me more concerned.
The wire fire code! This is too much. Priceless! And let me just say, that string of emojis next to "Mom's" name in this person's phone is spot on. One second, you want to kiss her, the next you want to wring her neck, then you're back to laughing. She is always the queen. Always. Even if she thinks that "wifi" is "wire fire." It's just one of her many adorable mom quirks. That being said, "wire fire" does kind of make sense.
Parents always want to know how they can get in touch with Oprah. Poor Oprah has no idea what she's missing out on by not giving out her personal phone number to Marge from Dayton, Ohio. Sure, Oprah has a lovely garden where she harvests her own vegetables and cooks fresh homemade dinners, but what she really needs is Marge's casserole recipe. There's a lot you can do with two tons of zucchini and a dump truck full of cream cheese.
When my dad was still using a Blackberry, which for the record was way after he should have been using a Blackberry, the spacebar button broke, and his texts looked just like this. In this particular case, it wasn't exactly his fault (except for the fact that he was still using a Blackberry), but it was rage-inducing. The fact that this is still happening in 2019 with parents who probably have auto-correcting smartphones, is honestly impressive.
It is always 100 percent of the time the texts about how they just learned how to use voice text that show that they actually have no idea how to use voice text. I don't how they do it but it happens every time. I don't know why older people are intent on using voice text. They're usually not doing it while driving or doing anything else. Just pick up the phone and type! For the love of all that is comprehensible!
OK so this text exchange might be fake, but it's still, in a more general sense, way too real. Parents and grandparents love to use trendy "internet lingo" without knowing what things actually mean. It's one of their greatest collective flaws. For some reason, whenever I text with my grandma, she insists on replacing any letters she can with numbers. "please don't h8 me but b4 u come over do 1 thing." It's unreadable.
The problem with parents knowing about texting is that they can then text you at any moment of any day. They can keep track of you. They can nag you 24 / 7. It's a capability they only dreamt about having until recently. If you're a minute late to dinner, you're getting a text. If you're two minutes late to dinner, you better answer because they 100 percent think you're dead in a ditch somewhere.
This is similar to the other death announcement but with one critical addition: The "Have a great day. Chat later." at the end. It's so real I can't even. "Hey, just wanted to pass along some horribly devastating news that will make you question your own mortality and realize that all of life is fleeting. Anyway, hope you're having fun today! Talk later!" It's like they forget that words matter when they're texting.
This is a dirty trick and I don't know anyone whose parents haven't done this to them. Parents claim not to have favorite children, but I can't imagine that's true. They must have one that they like more than the others, right? Especially when the kids get older and have their own personalities and lives? Like, they must be lying. Maybe they don't love one kid more than the others, but they definitely like one of them better.
This one also seems orchestrated for maximum comedy potential, but it's still hilarious. At least this mom is asking her kid what things mean and not just using them willy-nilly and assuming things. That's what we call responsible texting. But if all parents started texting responsibly, we wouldn't have these absolutely delightful threads of all the weird things they say and do. And that would be unacceptable.