This Guy Thinks He Would Have Survived the OceanGate Implosion

Jennifer Tisdale - Author

Jun. 28 2023, Published 11:30 a.m. ET

There are few things more attractive than a confident person. Basking in the glow of someone who knows their worth and moves through the world with self-assurance is a divine experience. I often find myself asking, "How can I bottle this and take it with me?" Sometimes that confidence tips over into a town I like to call Massive Egoville. You don't want to go there.

Article continues below advertisement

Unfortunately some folks live there, and the byproduct of that is irrational ideas with little data to back them up. Take Reddit user u/M3MacbookAir, for example, and a recent post he dropped into the r/TrueUnpopularOpinion subreddit. This fella posited that if he had been on the OceanGate submersible, he would have undoubtedly survived the implosion. So, is he Superman or is he supermansplaining?

Article continues below advertisement

Apparently, the guy would have survived the OceanGate implosion because he's "built different."

Providing only anecdotal evidence, if you can call it that, the OP claims he would have absolutely survived the OceanGate submersible implosion. "This is not a joke," he writes. "You always hear about those 1 in a million odds where people drive off a cliff and had 0.0000001 percent chance to survive but they miraculously did." Personally I never hear those stories. That is a very specific corner of the internet.

This guy says he's definitely that guy. "There’s no real stats to back this up, I just know I’ve always been built different." He's so close to really unraveling his own assertion. Say it again slower, there is no evidence to support this but it's still true?

Article continues below advertisement
u/M3MacbookAir's post about being able to survive the OceanGate implosion
Source: Reddit

He then tosses out what I'm calling the Glinda the Good Witch Theory. "Perhaps the implosion would’ve left me an air bubble while I slowly floated to the top." This is followed by the Honey I Shrunk Myself Theory which again, is my choice. "Or I escape just in time through a crease and swim up quickly." That was the problem, no one made themselves small enough to squeeze through the very crack that could have caused the implosion.

Article continues below advertisement

Very few people are buying this guy's argument — enjoy the roast session.

Here are my favorite responses to this post. There are days when the internet is truly a curse, then there are moments when the best of the best show up for a solid roast session. "I feel like, if I were a T-Rex, I would’ve survived the meteors. Idk I’m just built different," replied u/ProgKingHughesker. It only escalates from here!

Article continues below advertisement

Reddit user FitButterfly7227 chimed in with, "I'm not like other delusions of grandeur narcissists," which is a burn inside a burn. And, I simply cannot pass up a crass joke involving defecation. One is never too old for a poop-related pun. "I once survived a sub accident. I was 14 and s--- my pants violently after eating a week old subway club sandwich," said u/McGuitarpants.

This is giving "Mark Wahlberg being able to stop 9/11" a run for its money.

Actor and devout Catholic Mark Wahlberg graced the January 2012 cover of Men's Journal Magazine. A quick Google yielded zero results for this issue, and I suspect I know why.

Article continues below advertisement

According to Huffington Post, during his interview with the outlet, Wahlberg suggested that he could have prevented one of the planes from hitting the World Trade Center (WTC) on Sept. 11, 2001. Apparently, he opted to fly to Toronto a week early but had he not changed his flight, Wahlberg would have been on the plane that flew out of Boston and crashed into the WTC.

Mark Wahlberg speaking at the LEAP Foundation on July 24, 2018
Source: Getty Images
Article continues below advertisement

"If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did," he shared with the magazine. "There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, 'OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry." Is Mark a pilot? I don't think so.

In response to this deeply insensitive interview, TMZ spoke with Deena Burnett-Bailey. Her husband, Thomas Burnett, was one of the four passengers on United Flight 93 who diverted their plane from Washington, D.C., crashing it into a field in Pennsylvania. No one survived. "The plan for Flight 93 was foiled by heroes," said Deena. "For him to speculate that his presence on board could have stopped everything is silly and disrespectful. Sounds like someone is grandstanding."

Reuters reported that Wahlberg immediately issued an apology for this statements. "To speculate about such a situation is ridiculous to begin with, and to suggest I would have done anything differently than the passengers on that plane was irresponsible. I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention," he said.

More from Distractify

Latest Trending News and Updates

    Opt-out of personalized ads

    © Copyright 2024 Distractify. Distractify is a registered trademark. All Rights Reserved. People may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Offers may be subject to change without notice.