Sad, Crying Pregnant Woman
Source: Getty

Woman Calls Out “Toxic” TikTok Pregnancy Trend, Sparking Debate on Abusive Partners

Mustafa Gatollari - Author
By

Sep. 12 2022, Published 3:47 p.m. ET

If you're in love with somebody and they're pregnant with your baby, then you probably think that they're the most beautiful person in the world. You must've loved that person so much that your love ended up leading to the creation of another human being because that's what happened.

But there are plenty of folks who don't really like each other that much who have babies together, which is a depressing and difficult fact for many people to face, but it's common.

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A surprising number of people even said that they stay together for their children in order to ensure that they grow up in a two-parent household, and admit that they probably wouldn't still be together if they didn't decide to have kids.

Prior to couples with kids who do eventually decide to split up, however, these relationships are often one-sided ones, with someone living in a certain kind of "mental fog" to overlook certain comments/treatment from their significant other.

This is so they can believe that their partner loves them unconditionally no matter what so that they can live in a blanket of mental security, forgiving some of the things that they say and do. Many will even go so far as to post about these things that clearly make them uncomfortable on social media and then downplay them in an attempt to try and seek affirmation from others.

This phenomenon was highlighted by TikToker @jouleslowell (Joules) who highlighted a pregnancy post as an example of this.

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Source: TikTok | @jouleslowell

Joules says that this is a recurring trend she's been seeing online and has cautioned many folks from excusing behavior from their partners that is demeaning or gives an insight into how they really feel about you. The TikTok in question that she references show a pregnant woman joking about the fact that her husband doesn't find her pregnant body attractive.

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Joules calls this a huge red flag and highlights that folks who usually post about comments like these from their partner, they often upload "damage control" follow-up videos as if they're trying to make themselves feel better about the fact that their significant other, in this case, the pregnant woman's husband, is saying something extremely hurtful.

woman blasts toxic pregnancy trend tiktok
Source: TikTok | @jouleslowell
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Joules says, "It literally happens the same way every time. Husband or wife or in this case, both of them, come on social media and they say something, jokingly that is actually a huge red flag and a big cause for concern. Then when people in the comments section say hey babes that's not appropriate, that's not funny this is a huge cause for concern they then come out with a video or pen a comment saying, 'You don't understand they're really a great person they really love me.'"

Joules then goes into why posting clips like these can ultimately be harmful to those who view them: "Somewhere in the world a woman has watched this video and said, 'oh my boyfriend or my husband says those same things to me all the time it must be fine because it's happening to them too.'"

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woman blasts toxic pregnancy trend tiktok
Source: TikTok | @jouleslowell

She avers, "It's not. It's not fine. If you're in a relationship and you post something about your relationship and the majority of the comments are like, 'No! Red flag! That's horrible!' it's because it is. And I don't know what's going on in her relationship I can't diagnose a relationship with anything I'm not a medical professional..."

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The TikToker then went into her own personal experiences, "...but I do remember sharing certain things that my abusive ex-husband would say to me and then when my friends would say, 'that's not OK,' I would also say, 'well you know he was just joking. He really is a good guy, you just got to get to know him. I'm just too sensitive.'"

woman blasts toxic pregnancy trend tiktok
Source: TikTok | @jouleslowell
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"There's no way this is the first time he's said something like this to her and if by chance it is the first time it's not gonna be the last time. Things like this always get worse. Every single time. And she didn't get pregnant by herself I'm sure. Right? I remember being pregnant and my abusive ex-husband talking about my body. And I didn't think it was funny and it hurt my feelings."

Joules went into the mental gymnastics she would play in order to try and justify why she was living with someone who didn't love her enough to treat her well, "And I tried to convince myself that I was being too sensitive and, you know, it was really OK. It's OK, much like [the woman] in the second video you saw."

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woman blasts toxic pregnancy trend tiktok
Source: TikTok | @jouleslowell

The TikToker concluded her viral clip by stating, "So to whoever's listening and you're questioning things it's not OK. And your feelings are valid. That should hurt your feelings. You should be upset. I hope that woman and many in the same situation wake up and understand their worth and make a safe plan to get out of situations like that. That guy's an a**hole.

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Other TikTokers who saw the post agreed with Joules' statement and heavily criticized the husband of the man in the video that she referenced.

"He will also be the one telling her she let herself go if she done 'snap back' then cheat or leave."

"Oh my Christ. My husband loved me being pregnant"

"makes me appreciate my man, he thinks pregnancy makes me even more beautiful bc i’m taking care of our baby. i can’t imagine how much that would hurt"

woman blasts toxic pregnancy trend tiktok
Source: TikTok | @jouleslowell
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"oh yes, the mean 'jokes' they make to destroy our self esteem, I've been there and it gets worse."

"That’s the same kind of man who’s gonna complain the hospital chair is too uncomfy while she’s in labor"

"Men slowly slowly chip away at our confidence and then we think we are going crazy"

Many others said that this type of behavior is almost always a precursor to cheating as well.

"As a postpartum doula I have seen this turn into cheating expeditiously"

What do you think? Have you been in situations where you've seen things go south after folks have made insensitive jokes to their significant others? Can you not make a clear-headed decision because you're in a relationship like this and it's hitting too close to home? Or do you believe that this isn't a "blanket rule" and depends on other aspects of the relationship?

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