Frightened Single Dad Wants to Give Son up for Adoption so He Doesn't "Resent" Him
This single dad who hit a low point in his life went online to vent his frustrations and reveal that he was thinking about giving his toddler up for adoption.
A single dad who hit a low-point in his life vented his frustrations online on Reddit, asking if it would be wrong to give his toddler up for adoption due to the emotional toll parenting was taking on him.
Life as a parent, even in a two-parent situation, is really tough. Kids can test your patience in ways that you never thought possible and force you to grow up whether you're ready or not.
I started raising kids at a "good" time in my life and that still proved to be very difficult, despite having help from family, friends, and my wife. If I was a single dad, I don't know how I'd go about being a parent and it's something that honestly scares me to even think about.
But there are people who can totally rock being a single parent and that takes a lot of grit, determination, and endless amounts of love.
The thing is though, even in "ideal" situations, the pressure to look after a child mounts. It's easy for parents to become overwhelmed with grief or thoughts that they're "missing out," especially when other aspects of their lives begin to take a backseat to raising kids — specifically "adult" activities like dating and watching some form of entertainment that isn't Paw Patrol or The Wiggles
For this single dad at his wits end, the pressure to be a good father towards his 2-year-old son was so great that he just couldn't do it anymore. Frustrated and at a low point, he seriously asked a bunch of strangers online if it would be "bad" to give his son up for adoption so that he didn't resent him. He began feeling a "bit of animosity" towards his son for not being able to be a young adult.
And when I say young adult, I mean young adult. The man got his then-girlfriend pregnant at a young age and she wanted to get an abortion. He offered to raise the child as a single parent since she didn't want to raise a baby so young, but he soon realized he was way in over his head. Raising his son with minimal help from family and friends, he found himself 23 years old and spending almost all of his time either working or hanging out with a child.
He then poses the question of whether he'd be an "a-hole" for putting his young son up for adoption, admitting the "undying love" he thinks other parents have for their children is something he'll never possess or be capable of. His post gets very, very real. He also feels it'd be difficult for him to find a woman around his age who would be OK with dating a guy with a kid.
At the end of it all, he asks for fellow Redditors' perspectives on the situation to help him make a decision.
And as it turns out, people had some very, very good advice in the form of some very tough love. Straight up, every one told him he is definitely "the a-hole" for even considering giving up his kid for adoption.
Out of all the responses though, I think the best is from the person who broke down just how traumatic it could be for a child to lose their father. They encouraged this tired dad to get diagnosed for Post-Partum Disorder (which can affect fathers, too), and take a day every so often just for himself. Hire a babysitter and plan all the "adult" things he wants to do just for his mental well-being.
Tons of people gave the distraught dad similar advice through comments and direct messages. After taking some time to step away from his computer and read them all, the original poster admits he wrote the message at a low point and was extremely thankful for everyone's feedback
From the update he posted, it seems the dad came to his senses and got some actionable strategies to help him enjoy life a bit more and get some time to himself.
It's easy to want to "quit" when a situation is more than you think you can bear, but there are healthy ways to deal with it. Here's hoping he can strike a better balance between "me time" and being an awesome dad.