No matter how impeccable one's tastes may be, I'd venture every person on earth has at least one unspeakably ugly article of clothing, art piece, or knick-knack they can't seem to part with. Whether we hang onto these objects for sentimental reasons or simply because they are so remarkable hideous, we just can't seem to let them go. A recent Twitter thread started by @Brainmage paid homage to these objets de poubelle and invited others to share the ugliest things they own and treasure.
I'll start. This is the Diesel 'Super Bad-ass'. I accidentally won it in a competition and I hate it. It's worth a few hundred (apparently?!) but I will never sell it, because I will never own anything this gauche ever again.— Senator Bison Sexhorn & Knuckles, III (@Brainmage) February 3, 2020
Please note that I have NORMAL HUMAN WRISTS pic.twitter.com/3cScgqqzPN
Honestly, this is the least hideous item you will see in this entire list, which is saying a lot. I have never understood what all the dials on sports watches like this are for, but what really makes this timepiece ridiculous is how big it is on her wrist. It's like if you wore a wall clock on a strap as a watch.
This next timepiece is way uglier, though.
Kids tend to have terrible taste, leading to gifts like this dolphin-festooned clock. But KJ here has an out now! Since their daughter acknowledged how ugly this is, they should be free to get rid of it, right? Sadly, that's now how sentimental gifts work, and so it remains.
Many people shared objects their kids had procured or even custom-made for them, like this preschool art project, which is definitely inhabited by a demonic force. Forget saving for college; this parent should save for an exorcism.
As pointed out by another Twitter user, these two pics tell a story we've definitely all heard around a campfire. In the first pic, Louie has attempted to kill the cursed object, only for it to appear unscathed in their bag like some evil Rasputin doll. "I can't throw it out, it will only find me again. It has one foot and one cloven hair hoof." Seriously, what malevolent spirit manifested this talisman of pure evil?
Creepy puppets were among the most common entrants to this call to action. Julia actually found a taker for this one, who called it "adorable," proving one man's evil curse is another man's treasure.
The same woman who thought the previous puppet was adorable said the same about this melted duck fairy, I'm worried about this woman, you guys. Let's start a GoFundMe.
Why? Why would you torture your baby with this Clown Prince of Darkness? Those are not the eyebrows of a fun and lovable figure, mom!
At least there's a practical application for this remarkably ugly face mask, which can be heated or frozen to soothe headaches. As someone else pointed out, it looks a little like what it might look like if you peeled back a few layers of skin. Disturbing.
This Lovecraftian horror drew many varied and disturbing comparisons, from the Herpes puppet in a Chappelle's Show sketch, to a molting Mr. Krabs from Spongebob Squarepants.
"It's drawn with sharpie on a hand-stretched canvas, part of it is spray paint, part of it is high gloss lacquer, and all of it is the most glorious $20 I ever spent at a thrift store," the owner explains. "When I brought it to the register, the kid working thanked me for buying the haunted painting." It's hideous and yet if I saw it in a museum I'm pretty sure I'd be awed by it.
Ooof, this one is not just ugly... it's kinda racist looking! The figure looks a little too much like the pieces of blackface memorabilia from 19th and early 20th century Americana, although the bottle appears to be a vintage jug for fortified wine from Italy.
It's an entire menagerie in one giant plush monstrosity. This chimera of the savanna comprises an elephant trunk; a giraffe's head, neck, and front-quarters; a tiger torso, a zebra butt and hindquarters; and, according to Bessie, the tail of a lion. I can't tell if Sid came this way or was assembled. Perhaps somebody was told they could only keep one of their stuffed animals, so they cleverly stitched them all together into this Frankenbeast.
We've all had a grandparent or aunt who covered their spare toilet paper with a doll-like top but WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ITS EYES?!
Also, I'd just like to take this moment to say how glad I am we as a society have moved on from the misguided notion that a creepy doll head sewn onto a crocheted body is somehow less unsightly than a naked stack of spare toilet paper rolls.
Remember that botched restoration of a Spanish fresco of Jesus? This is a little bit better than that. A little.
You know that fear of clusters of holes (like lotus pods)? It's called trypophobia, and I definitely have it. And this shell cat certainly gives me the same feeling of anxiety and unease. If this were in my house I'd smash it with a hammer, and that's despite my profound love of felines. This is an object of pure evil incarnate.
Oh god, is this a whole theme of bad art? Mosaics made from these tiny seashells? I would like to speak to the manager. Someone needs to put a stop to this immediately.
OK, maybe it's just because of those two shell monstrosities, but I almost find this taxidermied squirrel on horseback cute.
Yeah... it's definitely because of those shell creatures. This is practically a palette cleanser after that double nightmare.
Someone suggested this creature is supposed to resemble an Aye-aye, which is a lemur species in Madagascar. It could also be Ren from Ren and Stimpy. Who can say?
As one commenter pointed out, these puppets look a lot like the ones from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood. But even as a big fan of Fred Rogers, I can say those puppets are scary as hell without his benevolent and reassuring presence.
We have a winner. There's so much to take in. The ill-fitting pink separates, the haunting music, and dance moves. It also has a hilarious back story. "My aunt put it in our suitcase after a visit," explained @OhLookBirdies. Didn't even know we'd brought the f--ker until we got home. Clearly they're going to need to find a way to return it to their aunt in a similarly sneaky fashion.