You've Heard of Asexual, But Have You Heard of Graysexual? Here's What the Term Means

All across the world, people live and love differently. Very few people fit neatly into boxes, and almost everyone lives in beautiful shades of gray rather than a black-and-white existence that defines us in a linear way.

The LGBTQ community makes a lot of room for those variations, expressing sexuality and romantic attraction on a broad spectrum and celebrating the differences and diversity that human beings come with.

Most people have heard of the more well-known types of sexuality: homosexuality, heterosexuality, and even asexuality. But have you ever heard of graysexuality?

Here's what it means to be graysexual, and why people often find it difficult to explain the experience to others.

To start with understanding graysexuality, you first have to understand asexuality and how it exists on a spectrum. Allosexuality is when you feel what is considered a typical level of sexual attraction.

According to Asexual.net, "Asexuals do not experience sexual attraction and or sexual desire. Some people might confuse this with celibacy; however, it is not the same. As celibacy is a choice, whereas being asexual is not."

And for those who are asexual, there is a spectrum.

Some people might feel sexual attraction under certain circumstances, or not at all. Some might feel romantic attraction, but not sexual desire. Some might still enjoy sexual intimacy, but not feel a primary desire for it.

As the LGBTQ community understands, most people live on a spectrum that can shift through time, or it might remain the same.

Asexual.net defines graysexual as people who "experience sexual attraction infrequently. Some graysexuals will only experience sexual attraction only once or twice in their life. Others might experience this more often, but in general still not nearly as frequent as an allosexual."

So graysexuality is on the asexual spectrum, but on the end of the spectrum towards allosexuality, rather than the opposite end of the spectrum, where a person might be both unable to feel sexual attraction as well as being sex-repulsed.

Through the years, graysexuality has grown a community as people realize that they feel the label applies to them, and they speak about their experiences.

TikTok has been a perfect place for graysexual people to gather and discuss their experience. Perhaps unsurprisingly, they often find that people misunderstand graysexuality, and it can be difficult to explain the experience.

TikTok user @chanwills0 likened sexuality to tennis. If you're allosexual, it's typical to think and talk about tennis (sex) often.

On dating apps, you might find that people keep steering the topic back to tennis. But if you don't like tennis, don't understand it, and don't experience joy in playing tennis, it's like a completely alien world.

This is what it might be like for someone who is asexual (who doesn't enjoy "tennis").

A graysexual might like tennis sometimes, under certain circumstances. But they aren't as obsessed as everyone else, and it can be frustrating to try to relate to people whose primary drive involves tennis.

Luckily, the world is growing and making room for people of different sexualities and who experience the world in different ways, as long as we don't regress.